Join Me in an Advent of Solitude

"One of the new challenges of our generation is the impact of technology on spirituality. This warrants serious consideration. If we are not careful, technology has a way of compromising our ability to present to ourselves, to God and to each other--all of which are fundamental elements of spiritual life...Exhaustion sets in when we are too accessible too much of the time.

A soul-numbing sadness comes when we realize that a certain quality of life and quality of presence is slipping away as a result of too much "convenience"."

-Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation, by Ruth Haley Barton

MY LONGING:

The author just described the underlying reaction I feel after a bout of losing myself behind a screen:

Soul-numbing sadness.

I can hardly go an hour without reaching for my phone, just to check in--no matter what I am doing-- writing a novel, playing with my kids, praying, reading a devotional. Everything I do, has room for a screen check.

I've trained myself to be connected ALL.THE.TIME. But, when it comes to connecting with God, I've squeezed that time to connect into the slivers of seconds between life and screen checks. Hardly any time at all.

Something deep inside me knows this is not how I am suppose to live the moments of this life. Deep down inside me, I know that I've been sabotaged, and I've allowed it to happen.

MY QUEST:
So this Advent season, I am going to be more mindful of SOLITUDE, rather than screen time. I am going to use the extra moments, or the actual moments, to tap into the quiet, to dip my attention into the present, and to find a new rhythm for my living--I hope to be transforming to spiritual wakefulness on a consistent basis.

I am dedicating this next season as an ADVENT OF SOLITUDE.

Does this sound like something you'd like to do? Does this resonate with your heart at all? I've spoken with many friends who feel the same longing, who have actually taken time apart from social media because of the noise, and the need for quiet. Does this interest you, too?

Check out the invitation below:

THE INVITATION:

Join me in an ADVENT of SOLITUDE.

First things first.

WHAT IS ADVENT?  The period beginning four Sundays before Christmas and observed by some Christians as a season of prayer and fasting (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

WHAT IS SOLITUDE? The quality or state of being alone (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) OR according to Ruth Haley Barton, "An opportunity to interrupt this cycle {constant noise of our society} by turning off the noise and stimulation of our lives so that we can hear our loneliness and our longing calling us deeper into the only relationship that can satisfy our longing."

The only relationship that I've found to satisfy my longing, has been through Christ. He is the wholeness of life, the one who has given me a hope and a Way to live into each next step. I've lost my connection with Him, to be quite honest. And so, I am going to offer Him this next season of Advent where we focus on His birth, to bear a new rhythm that connects me to Him.

An ADVENT of SOLITUDE  is  a season of FASTING from social media connection, and instead, connecting to God in   SOLITUDE,   PRAYING,  AND   BEING   PRESENT, with the hope of transforming  daily life into a rhythm that syncs with God (more than WiFi). ;)     

THE CHALLENGE:

A SEASON: For the weeks of Advent, I'll disconnect from social media for a certain amount of time, and carve in time for Solitude. I am choosing to disconnect all Advent long, except for the Monday morning check-ins. If you choose to join in this Advent of Solitude, do what you feel is best for you (although, I strongly recommend disconnecting for a good long while. It truly is good for the soul. :) )

DAILY: Each morning, I'll spend some quiet in prayer--just God and me. I am going to buy an actual alarm clock and keep my phone away from my bedside. I hope to buy a journal as well. It has been a few years since I journaled my prayers. It's a wonderful way to stay focused on what my heart wants to say.

WEEKLY: Each week, I will carve out an extended amount of time to just spend time in Solitude. God and me only. Praying, but not reading. Sitting and listening. Breathing. Allowing God to speak, to move, to enjoy my undivided attention. (I will probably do this on Saturday morning for an hour or two while the family is asleep.)

CHECK-INS: Each Monday morning, I will get on to social media (for me, it will be just this day only), and check in on my Facebook Page (facebook.com/dicken.angie). If you choose to join in the Advent of Solitude, you don't have to share what is between you and God at these check-ins, just stop by and receive some encouragement, and let us know that you are spending your Advent focusing on Solitude.

MY HOPE:

I am going to do this to re-prioritize my moments. To become more present for my family, and more attuned to my relationship with God. I want to start a new rhythm this Advent, so I can step into 2019 without that "soul-numbing sadness". I want to transform my days into being and not just doing. I want to meet God again.

If you choose to join in the ADVENT of SOLITUDE, please join me on December 2nd, the first day of Advent. Stop by my author page (facebook.com/dicken.angie) for pre-check-in.

The Shame Game: 3 Temptations to Play

I am coming off my promise to only look at FB when I have a notification. I put a "no scroll" rule on myself for my own sanity...and discernment.

I'll be the first to admit, I have A LOT of opinions. I make snap judgements, I raise an eyebrow at THAT, I roll my eyes at THAT, I shake my head at THAT. And if you don't, I truly want to affirm you for being a free-er, more stable person than me. But according to my thousand plus friends out there, I'd say there are a number of people who are just as opinionated as me. I think it's called being human?

As I've been on a scrolling frenzy over the past couple of weeks, and I've seen a pretty significant decline in my attitude and self-talk, I realized that I've bought into The Shame Game of Twenty-First-Century Culture. I'm munching on the Lotus and unable to get myself out of the pool of self-doubt and self-criticism. Ever been there?

Three things are threatened when I am playing in the shame game, and I need to self-protect and change my approach when I get on social media...

1. Motherhood. I am going to start off by giving all of us mamas a pat on the back for caring enough for our kids. When it comes to our kids, most of us are just trying to do the best we can.

That goes for:

sleep schedules
schooling
activities
meals
care providers
wellness
life...

You name it, I've found myself questioning my sense as a mother in all aspects due to the strongly weighted posts out there. The temptation to feel judged or scrutinized or lesser of a mom is one of the BIGGEST threats to me on social media.

 I know I've posted things that are probably stumbling blocks for other moms. Who hasn't? If we think our way is best for our family, and someone else is doing it differently, then of course we are going to question ourselves. If we think a certain way is WRONG, then we have this strange urge to announce it and feed shame to our people. Meh.

God put each of us in charge of these little people we raise, and I have to remember that the criticism, pride, and my-way-is-better attitude is just not worth playing with. We're doing the best we can. Whether it be different thoughts on schooling, eating, wellness, or what technology we buy, MY HEART IS FOR MY CHILDREN over the latest method or school of thought. And I know, YOUR HEART IS FOR YOUR CHILDREN, and we cannot play the shame game when we are all on equal ground.

2. Successes. If you follow me on social media, you'll know that I am an author. And I often post stuff about my writing journey and my highs, lows, and in-betweens. I have other friends who are:

authors
artists
coaches
health specialists
exercise professionals
chefs
business owners
And a whole bunch of crazy talented you-name-its.

I often find myself editing and rewriting a post--or deleting one--because:
A. I am not as good as that next person in my shamed mind's eye,  OR
B. I know what it feels like to journey three steps behind someone else on my "dream" walk and I don't want to appear like a braggart or insensitive.

Often, I wonder if I should just get off of social media altogether because it's so easy to retaliate to the inferiority brought on by scrolling with my own puffed-up post. ACK. Yeah, I just admitted that. Be tempted to judge me? Hmmm, please say I'm not the only one.

What I have to remind myself is, first, just because I sense a certain tone in a post as something unnerving, doesn't mean that was the intent of the poster. Let's think about that for a moment.

A post's tone can be read differently than it was meant to be received. 

Maybe I shouldn't take things so seriously? Hmmm...

I've begun to look at how beautiful humanity is in our different passions and talents and journeys regardless of a silly social media post. I've found so much joy on my path to publication, and I KNOW I am not the only one who has found it, or been inspired to use a talent.

I must look through the lens of understanding, finding excitement at the unique ways God directs the talents of others. When I stop striving to show off my own successes and cheer on those who are also using their gifts and interests and talents in this life, then my temptation dies and the game is over.

3. My Relationships. There are opinions on just about everything. And even more. Yeah,

it's gotten ridiculous, hasn't it? EVERY.SINGLE.ISSUE has a pro or con post by someone. And I've written plenty of my own, believe me... (didn't we just have a virtual civil war last November? Just sayin').

The risk I run during a scroll session, is falling for the bait and forming an opinion on the spot--without research or reason, (or prayer...hmm), and then shaming others in my comment...bleh!

My favorite way to have a friendly exchange of opinions, besides face to face, has been in Messenger. That way, it's one-on-one, with respect and knowledge of previous and present relationship with that person. The shame game is over when you are two individuals sharing (usually...depending on the relationship, I guess).

HOWEVER, some things just need to be said on our walls, in our circles, whenever we can have a voice--especially when injustice is gaining momentum and the general opinion is in an uproar. We need to speak up for TRUTH when the world is clambering around in LIES and darkness. It's our job as the Salt and Light of the world...if that's our intention. A lot of times, I just want to get my opinion heard in the masses...and that's when I get wet with shame and regret, and most of all, broken relationship.

So now, I need to ask myself this...

What's my motive? 

And I MUST NOT assume the motives of others as they post.

The criticism is destructive, the temptation is thick, and if there is one thing in Twenty-First Century Culture that I could do away with, it's the Shame Game. 

How about you?

Teen iPhone Be Gone: TBT with a Lesson

Waaaay back in the Nineties:

When I was in high school...maybe middle school (but I doubt it)... I would talk on the phone for hours--into the wee hours of the morning....on the WEEKEND. I didn't just play around after school on the phone. I didn't have instantaneous chats with my friends at all moments of the day. The drama of school and gossip and stressors was literally left at the school curb.

Flashforward to Present Day:

There's only one thing that my husband and I can take away from our teenage son as a consequence...have any guesses?

His iPhone.

Yep. That is his entertainment, his social media link, his chat board with friends, his radio, his calculator his...everything.

I have heard it said that teenagers actually NEED social interaction with their friends on a frequent basis. That, it helps with self-esteem and growing up. Isolating them is a no-no, because they feel out of the loop with the going-ons at school, peers, and the world.

I know EXACTLY how that might feel. It's no fun to be an island. So, I have been very careful when it comes to dishing out a consequence that involves taking away the device.

But you know what, sometimes the popular parenting research doesn't measure up to the uniqueness of your kid, your situation, and your own experience as a teen waaaay back when.

The other day, my son earned a major consequence....and like I said before, the only thing that's major to him, is his phone. Usual punishment is to limit his time on it more than normal. Don't want to isolate the poor boy (um...please coat that last sentence in syrupy sarcasm). But his behavior deserved a major kick in the SD card...seriously. I would have thrown the stupid phone in the trash if it didn't cost so dang much.

While our son stewed upstairs, wondering what our new terms would be for his lost attachment to his palm...my husband skimmed through his texts and social media...yeah, you might not agree with this invasion of privacy, but that's a whole other blog post.

You know what? All those things I mentioned that I left at the school curb in my day?? My son brings home with him...and they are with him from the time he steps into our "safe place" (read my last post if you wonder), until we pry the dang thing from his hands before bed. No wonder the kid has been a bear to live with! The kid has the weight of the social pressure with him all day, all afternoon, and all night long!

So, we've taken his phone without telling him when he will get it back. And honestly, I don't know if I want to even go there yet.

The kid has been....a kid again. He has been relaxed, happy, goofy, and actually talkative. The stress has literally been cut off with the power button.

In this new frontier of technology gripping the minds, hearts, and hands of our kids, is the consequence of going with the flow bigger than the privilege of living in such convenience?

I am sure my son will get his phone back...eventually. But it's going to be with much different restrictions than before.

I like having the kid back. This Throwback Thursday is pre-iPhone, pre-social media, pre-teen. Because sometimes, the past has its perks.

When Your Pre-Teen Trumps Writing Time

Did you hear me sigh? 

That was a mighty one. It has been quite a night. While I thought I'd have some time to write and get ready for my big blog kick off next week (see the note at the end of this post), the moments ticked on, now it's almost midnight, and three out of four kids are still unsettled. So, this is my quick writing time--as I sit here next to my anxiety-ridden youngest son who is squeezing his eyes to try and sleep away the fear of trying something new-- swim team.

I should be the one who's freaking out, though. I stepped into new territory tonight, also. 

While bath time was in full swing for my daughter, my pre-teen came up to me with a look of expectancy in his face and whispered, 

"Mom, a girl wants to FaceTime with me at ten. Is that okay?"

And now imagine my internal groan while I send a breezy look his way.

Well...Kudos to him for asking first, right?

And, she was someone he knew from school...so at least it wasn't a random internet stalker, right?

And he was very compliant to my rule of keeping the door open and allowing me to check on him.

But...

He's my baby. And there is soooo much out there that wasn't there when I was his age...social media, FaceTime, girls making the moves first (well, at least I was too scared to)!

on freedigitalphotos.net by sixninepixels

I shared some advice with him after his pretty mild and age-appropriate chat with the girl. I hope to God that he remembers it, and hides it in his heart for the more-than-a-friendly-chat instances in his life (and let's just say, I am not ready to think of this as flinging the door open to dating by any means...just a turn of the knob and observing what might be on the other side):

Advice Bit 1:  Be a gentleman--always. Be kind and appropriate. Be respectful. Really, this is something I wish he would grasp in all friendships, family relationships...etc!

Advice Bit 2:  Don't let go of yourself. Just because a girl is interested, doesn't mean that the relationship is up to her to define...or that there even needs to be anything besides a friendship!! Don't let her "redefine you" because you are flattered that she likes you. Be you without compromise! (This is a hard one to grasp, and I am so thankful for my mom-friends who have teenagers and shared their experiences before mine have come along!)

Advice Bit 3. Communicate with me (and Dad)! This is new for us, too... times have changed...and we have never raised a kid past your exact age before! Give us grace...and let us lead.

Praise God, he actually seemed pretty receptive to all of it! 

Life is coming at us from all angles, it seems. And I am so thankful for this phase, and those before, and those ahead. It's just another opportunity to sharpen ourselves and live life to the full (pardon the cliche...did I mention it was late here??) 

When my son went to bed tonight, he was super sweet. "I love you, Mom!" It wasn't in response to me, but it was on his own initiative. 

Lord, please keep his heart soft...to You and to his parents. Give him growing wisdom and discernment in all situations. And for goodness sakes, please slow this season down! --Amen

**Be sure to drop by on June 10th to get info on giveaways, prizes, and celebrating the official kick-off of my blog re-design! Follow this blog now, and start getting your points now! Comment below if you do.**

The Ick of Status Updates

After my recent social media fast, I promised myself to not brag or type hidden agendas in my statuses on Facebook.  Before, I would get worked up over something someone said in response to my post or annoyed by something someone else typed. So much so, that I would revert to the world-focused, body-image focused, glory-seeking person inside me who I've tried squelching with heaps of Holy Spirit-driven prayer and study for these past 18 years of my life. But, she's never too far away, and seems easily coaxed by social media. Call it spiritual attack, if you will, but I am ashamed to say, I haven't quite mastered swinging my humility sword to ward off the monster inside.

My return to Facebook didn't take me long to break the promise I made to myself (ahem...God...but that makes me sound like SUCH a failure). Actually, I broke it very recently. Thank goodness for a friend pointing it out to me because my status made her question my integrity--and that is something I would never want anyone to question.

When I am spurred by emotion, typing words so quickly and sending them out so effortlessly, I am bound for disaster. My own ego or competitive spirit rises up inside me. It's like being thrown into an out-of-"soul" experience. And it makes me feel pretty icky. Because I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a passive aggressive status update, or a  so-and-so's-life-is-so-awesome status update when my own life is pretty dull. Again, it's easy to feel pretty icky. Perhaps I am a weakling. Maybe I am not as spiritually mature as I thought. But when I fall for the trap of using social media this way, or allowing it to get to me, it's like shears hacking away at all my new growth.

I know that many of my friends know what I am talking about. Most of my friends are pretty genuine in real life, and have shared that they have the same struggles as me. And I would hope, that the next time I stumble (note, not if, but when), and use social media to lift myself up or tear someone else down, my friends will speak up and hold me accountable. As far as being on the reading side of an annoying status, I resort to prayer. Praying for the person, praying for my heart, and stopping myself from getting out those shears!

There's a whole new hurdle to refinement, now. Our words used to go through the filter of having that person face to face, or just on the other side of the phone. Now, we can hide behind a screen and say things we would never say if the person was face to face...or if we knew what the person was going through in their daily life. Even if the culture is spinning in a self-absorbed storm, relationship is still the most important thing.

I am not going to let the ick of a status update ruin my relationship with a friend, but especially, ruin my relationship with the One who inspired these words:

"9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." James 3:9-12