The Ick of Status Updates

After my recent social media fast, I promised myself to not brag or type hidden agendas in my statuses on Facebook.  Before, I would get worked up over something someone said in response to my post or annoyed by something someone else typed. So much so, that I would revert to the world-focused, body-image focused, glory-seeking person inside me who I've tried squelching with heaps of Holy Spirit-driven prayer and study for these past 18 years of my life. But, she's never too far away, and seems easily coaxed by social media. Call it spiritual attack, if you will, but I am ashamed to say, I haven't quite mastered swinging my humility sword to ward off the monster inside.

My return to Facebook didn't take me long to break the promise I made to myself (ahem...God...but that makes me sound like SUCH a failure). Actually, I broke it very recently. Thank goodness for a friend pointing it out to me because my status made her question my integrity--and that is something I would never want anyone to question.

When I am spurred by emotion, typing words so quickly and sending them out so effortlessly, I am bound for disaster. My own ego or competitive spirit rises up inside me. It's like being thrown into an out-of-"soul" experience. And it makes me feel pretty icky. Because I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a passive aggressive status update, or a  so-and-so's-life-is-so-awesome status update when my own life is pretty dull. Again, it's easy to feel pretty icky. Perhaps I am a weakling. Maybe I am not as spiritually mature as I thought. But when I fall for the trap of using social media this way, or allowing it to get to me, it's like shears hacking away at all my new growth.

I know that many of my friends know what I am talking about. Most of my friends are pretty genuine in real life, and have shared that they have the same struggles as me. And I would hope, that the next time I stumble (note, not if, but when), and use social media to lift myself up or tear someone else down, my friends will speak up and hold me accountable. As far as being on the reading side of an annoying status, I resort to prayer. Praying for the person, praying for my heart, and stopping myself from getting out those shears!

There's a whole new hurdle to refinement, now. Our words used to go through the filter of having that person face to face, or just on the other side of the phone. Now, we can hide behind a screen and say things we would never say if the person was face to face...or if we knew what the person was going through in their daily life. Even if the culture is spinning in a self-absorbed storm, relationship is still the most important thing.

I am not going to let the ick of a status update ruin my relationship with a friend, but especially, ruin my relationship with the One who inspired these words:

"9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." James 3:9-12

Love! Because He says so.

Lately, my son has been complaining about a boy in his class. According to my eight year old, the culprit is a bully, a big baby, and a big nuisance. When I listen to the scenarios that caused my son dismay, the kid does sound a little annoying, but is by no means a bully.

In the past, I have listened to what other mamas say to their kids who have conflicts, and I can recall two different camps on this:

1. Be polite and walk away. You don't have to be anyone's friend, and you don't have to like them. So do your best to ignore it.

OR....

2. Perhaps the kid is needing a friend? Perhaps you could be his friend? Maybe if you tried, he would soften.

I will confess, I have tried both of these approaches. To the first, my son replies, "But I tried! He won't leave me alone." And to the second, he says, "I hate him! I don't want to be his friend. He's my worse enemy!"

It was then that I cringed. It was then that I tried to stuff down the mama weakness of finding a way to appease him and make him happy at school, and instead, search my heart for words that would not only be a comfort, but wise.

And you know what? Wisdom and comfort don't always go hand in hand. To think I would want my kid to be comfortable and content by surrounding himself with only the kids he "likes", goes against the very wisdom that true Christianity teaches (and I say "true" because, unfortunately, the media displays a multitude of "Christians" who act out of hate and entitlement...giving us a very bad, love-less name).

Above ALL ELSE, God calls us to LOVE. That. Is. It. To love Him, and to love others (Matt. 22:36-40). After all, love covers a multitude of sins (1Peter 4:8). Christ even went so far as to say, "love your enemies" (Matt. 5:44). And if you look at the historical context of the Bible, you will see that the enemies back then weren't just annoying kids on a school playground, but evil, sinful, men who would beat and laugh and scorn, and hang an innocent man to die on a cross. If Christ told the people of that day to love those kinds of enemies, then why would I let my fleshy mama nurturing kick in and get my kid off the hook for loving a hard-to-love kid at school? Just so he can be happy and have fun with the kids that matter to him?

Ppshh. 

In my Beth Moore study on the book of James, I am beginning to understand the seriousness of sin in the hearts of a believer. We can't mix the faith with the worldly view. We can't live according to the world--pushing our kids toward entitlement, popularity contests, and self-gratification--and call ourselves lovers of the Holy God of the Universe. How can we love in spirit and hate in flesh? It doesn't work that way. It goes against the very reason Christ came to die for us-- to establish a covenant not based on what we can do, but HOW WE LOVE.

It really is all about love, isn't it? We can get caught up in parenting, social networking, and politics and acquire a spirit of animosity, pride, and hatred, suppressing any likeness to that of Christ. 

It makes me shudder to think about all I've done to contribute to giving our Savior a bad reputation. One of exclusivity and conditions. Just like the first camp of mama advice above.

But, there is hope. And my faith bestows grace and mercy each and every day. I will be confident in my stance to my child, now. I will not only side with camp #2 above, but teach him that love is the only way, not ignoring and hating. I won't wonder if I am doing the right thing. Love really is the most important thing.

"And now these things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE." 1Corinthians 13:13.

Consider it Joy

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2

Ugh.

Joy?

That's the last thing I want to attribute to my trials! They hurt, they're icky, they just throw me in turmoil and disrupt my very joy. At least, that's my initial response--my flesh reaction. In Beth Moore's study on this particular verse, she asks us to pinpoint a current hardship and write down three things we could do with it, the third being "Consider it Joy". Then we write the results from each of those actions. After doing this, the above verse takes on a whole new meaning. I wrote:

1. Compete. Or Fight. This is my very nature as I am a competitive person at flesh (don't really want to say at heart, because it is a huge stumbling block for me!). Whether it be a comparison game with someone on the same path as me, or a game of  "that's unfair" that makes me put up my fists, my initial reaction to a trial is taking that "I'll show you" attitude and shoving it in the face of that trial. For years, I felt this was the best thing to do. To work at being better that that person, showing them up, to debate and fight and slather my opinion all over a Facebook status or mass email. YUCK. This only wears me out. And it severs relationship with people...Love your neighbor as yourself flies the coop and leaves me in a nest of turmoil and defeat. Because even if I do win, it's a definite loss for my character.

2. Criticize. Oh how I can be the world's best critic. Especially when I feel competition swelling in me. When a trial comes along, I can point fingers, blame others, knock those down whose words might present the trial in the first place, complain about my circumstance to all around me, and just grow bitterness in my heart quicker than I can say, "Woe is me!" Again, this goes back to defiling God's greatest commandment-- to Love. When I cut others down, or focus on the negative of a trial, I fill my heart with anything but love. I deflate my heart, and prepare a long-term garden of tangled thorny hate.

3. But if I Consider it all Joy? What then? What if I take the idea of joy in the face of a trial, sacrifice my flesh response and replace it with the joy of knowing that some how, some way, God is going to take this trial and get me toward the next part of this segment of Scripture:

"And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:4

It's all a journey, isn't it? If I can look at the hardships, the gunk of this world, and consider it joy that God cares that much about my heart to make something GOOD come from it...to give me the endurance, the peace, the refinement to bring me closer to the perfect maturity in Him...then isn't that something to be joyful about? Sure, the trials stink, they hurt, they try to destroy us...but if I consider it Joy to know that through those trials I will come closer to a heart worth presenting to God at the end of this journey, then I can rest in the midst of my temporary hardships and know that Joy is worth considering.