I feel like I am trying to run, but there is a tidal wave against me...My mental capacity is flooded with the exhaustion of a day filled with mothering, refereeing, driving, grocery shopping, handling mind-numbing arguments and boxing matches. All I really want to do right now, is sleep--which is very unusual for me because I hate sleeping.
I don't have the ability to progress in my novel, which is what I have set this time to do...It seems my night time writing is being pushed aside, and my goal of finishing this up by next week, is slowly fading away no matter how much I strive. I am trying to reach my dream, but the obstacle of time and energy is in my way. And I am just sick about it...because I have never let something slip away so easily. But as much as I saw God's hand guiding me in this new craft of mine, I feel like something is trying to push me down.
Is it really my calling? Or is it my desperate attempt to fill myself up with something besides parenting styles and changing diapers? Maybe a break is due? But I love writing so much, and I absolutely love the story I want to tell. How do we know when the dream is tangible or beyond reach?
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A Mama Writer's Dilemma
I have been so anxious lately. The two areas of my life that I am passionate about: my family and my writing, have both reached dramatic levels in my thought-life!
1. The fam: We went from one extreme to the next. The kids were B-O-R-E-D this summer, and I am A-D-D (killed brain cells (pregnancy-induced) make their affects known 3 months later)...SO, I signed the boys up for art camp and VBS, in the same week, thinking they would have fun and get tuckered out enough that "bored" will never find its way back into their vocabulary.
Well, what did this move of mama's really do? A squirmy little guilt bug escaped from my 6 year old's mouth, " Why do you want to get rid of us all day? You just want time by yourself!" Well, part of that is true, but I explained to him that I did it for him...and he retorts "I just want to play video games instead." Ah, guilt bug is firmly squished with my overriding foot!
And, although I thought I'd get chores done easier with two of them at camp for 3 hours, 2 kiddos aren't that much different than four...they need attention all the same, so nothing is really getting done...(my A-D-D has something to do with this!)
Time management please!!!
2. The Writing Stuff: So, I am almost done editing my completed manuscript. And I attended another writer's conference this past month. I am SOOOO ITCHY! I would LOVE to start querying agents, and get my book out there, but I don't want to do anything prematurely. But I am consumed by it! I can't get it out of my head! I am not willing to risk rejection to knock me out of the mood...but really, when do you know you are ready to put your stuff out there and start querying? This might be a good topic for The Writer's Alley , I obviously wouldn't be able to write the post though!
So here I sit, blogging when I should be laundering, contemplating when I should be reacting to children fussing...I guess it is good to have something to think about on these not-so warm summer days....
1. The fam: We went from one extreme to the next. The kids were B-O-R-E-D this summer, and I am A-D-D (killed brain cells (pregnancy-induced) make their affects known 3 months later)...SO, I signed the boys up for art camp and VBS, in the same week, thinking they would have fun and get tuckered out enough that "bored" will never find its way back into their vocabulary.
Well, what did this move of mama's really do? A squirmy little guilt bug escaped from my 6 year old's mouth, " Why do you want to get rid of us all day? You just want time by yourself!" Well, part of that is true, but I explained to him that I did it for him...and he retorts "I just want to play video games instead." Ah, guilt bug is firmly squished with my overriding foot!
And, although I thought I'd get chores done easier with two of them at camp for 3 hours, 2 kiddos aren't that much different than four...they need attention all the same, so nothing is really getting done...(my A-D-D has something to do with this!)
Time management please!!!
2. The Writing Stuff: So, I am almost done editing my completed manuscript. And I attended another writer's conference this past month. I am SOOOO ITCHY! I would LOVE to start querying agents, and get my book out there, but I don't want to do anything prematurely. But I am consumed by it! I can't get it out of my head! I am not willing to risk rejection to knock me out of the mood...but really, when do you know you are ready to put your stuff out there and start querying? This might be a good topic for The Writer's Alley , I obviously wouldn't be able to write the post though!
So here I sit, blogging when I should be laundering, contemplating when I should be reacting to children fussing...I guess it is good to have something to think about on these not-so warm summer days....
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Making Home Work Blog
Visit my first post on a new blog I am contributing to. Lots of encouragement, recipes, and info!
Making Home Work
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Enemy: Guilt
Today I was reminded how much I need God' Grace. My life long friend, Guilt, got its grip on me and broke my heart again. I stepped away from a ministry opportunity because life was too hectic. And once it was finalized and known, Guilt grabbed me and shook me and threw me beneath God's feet, reminding me I am not worthy of the title, "Christ Follower".
I am not good enough.
But as I cried a little, and prayed a little, I realized something...
I am never good enough.
That is why God's plan is not one of works alone. Even when I am doing something great for Him, I still fall short because of my flesh. So through my prayer, I wasn't affirmed in my decision to leave ministry like I thought I needed to be to rid this Guilt. I was reminded that my God is Greater, Bigger and absolutely Amazing in His Grace towards me.
Guilt is not from Him.
Guilt is the Grace-bearer's biggest enemy.
My heart will remain open if God's Will pushes me to saying "yes" to that opportunity again, but for now, I will wait guilt-free, and a little more humbled.
I am not good enough.
But as I cried a little, and prayed a little, I realized something...
I am never good enough.
That is why God's plan is not one of works alone. Even when I am doing something great for Him, I still fall short because of my flesh. So through my prayer, I wasn't affirmed in my decision to leave ministry like I thought I needed to be to rid this Guilt. I was reminded that my God is Greater, Bigger and absolutely Amazing in His Grace towards me.
Guilt is not from Him.
Guilt is the Grace-bearer's biggest enemy.
My heart will remain open if God's Will pushes me to saying "yes" to that opportunity again, but for now, I will wait guilt-free, and a little more humbled.
Monday, June 6, 2011
My Workload
Client: Mini-Parent:
Trying his best to help, love that he holds the baby, gets her passy, takes the trash out... but sometimes I don't need a bossy boots around, getting his brothers all in a tizzy. :)
Client: Comedian:
Mr. Silly, gets the silly bugs and can't shake them, actually one silly bug seems to multiply into a frenzy!
Client: Mover:
Not as in the kind that productively move furniture from your house...the kind that can't sit still and seems to think everything is a jungle gym! Already working his way across the monkey bars and figuring out how to balance on the swimming pool aparatus.
Client: Socialite:
Sweet babbles, shoulder lifts with each laugh, smiles at every look...and she has plenty of boys (see above) to practice those smiles on. ;)
Mornings Alone
It is tough to get up in the morning, when you have four children demanding breakfast, entertainment, and attention. So today, I refused to let this summer get any more chaotic, and I got up early to my own breakfast, my own entertainment (quiet time, blogging, email, editing my book), and paid attention to nobody. The house was quiet, the kids were sleeping soundly.
AHHHHHH...I always say I am not a morning person, but I really am. And I am a night owl...so I guess God created me without the pressing desire to sleep. If there was one thing I could cut out of my daily routine...it would be sleep. :)
Happy Summer!
AHHHHHH...I always say I am not a morning person, but I really am. And I am a night owl...so I guess God created me without the pressing desire to sleep. If there was one thing I could cut out of my daily routine...it would be sleep. :)
Happy Summer!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Summer Un-fun
Summer crept up and bit me! I usually look forward to it, and have at least a week of bliss. But chaos has officially become a permanent family member. Having all four kids home all day has been quite a transition. The boys have the energy of an entire high school football team. They have given profound meaning to the term "Being pecked to death!" I send them outside when they get too crazy, and then I forfeit a decent energy bill because they come in and out every five minutes. No exaggerating!
My only idea to lessen the pecking...is to get a big sun tea jug of water with three cups, and set it out on the patio each morning, so at least they don't have to come inside every time they want a drink. I will also load up on water guns, water shooters, and any other fun things to have outside in the heat. It is kind of nice not living in the desert, like we did before. Anyway, we'll see if life goes a little smoother. If I could buy listening ears, it would be excellent!
Do you have any suggestions on how to entertain your kids during the summer? (Something EASY, not complicated...I have a two month old too. :) )
I have to include the girl in my heading picture...that will come soon!
My only idea to lessen the pecking...is to get a big sun tea jug of water with three cups, and set it out on the patio each morning, so at least they don't have to come inside every time they want a drink. I will also load up on water guns, water shooters, and any other fun things to have outside in the heat. It is kind of nice not living in the desert, like we did before. Anyway, we'll see if life goes a little smoother. If I could buy listening ears, it would be excellent!
Do you have any suggestions on how to entertain your kids during the summer? (Something EASY, not complicated...I have a two month old too. :) )
I have to include the girl in my heading picture...that will come soon!
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