My Boys, My Teens, and Me

The other night, we were watching old family videos—and when I say “videos” I am talking about the little vhs tapes that actually insert in a video camera. Video videos. My husband and I sat and laughed at the 6 yr old, 3yr old and barely 2 yr old from this strange we-know-who-you-become viewpoint. There were a few things I discovered:
👉Predictions are pointless. The 2 year old future MLB player who kept begging for Daddy to throw the “bay-ball” is now the recreational rock climber who “hates” organized sports.😂 
👉Kids Show their distinct selves early on. My boys are 3 different teens, and they were 3 different little boys. The oldest was serious. The middle was playful, and the littlest brother—well, he often did his own thing. Now, imagine all that times 11. A driven oldest, an outgoing middle, and the little brother—unique in every way.🥳
👉I have learned a lot, and I haven’t learned anything. Looking at yourself 11 years ago—it’s so cringy (as the kids say)🤦‍♀️What I saw from the now-standpoint: The joy around me, the precious present I had, and the ridiculous things that rattled me—like the 2 yr old wanting to throw the Christmas balls from the tree. I was appalled then—but now, I’m like—well, duh! Shame stabbed me as I saw the uneven attention I gave to my littles at certain moments. And even more when I snapped at a 3 year old who just couldn’t keep his hands off the next present for his little brother...like he should know better. 😩 So much worrying, acting out of laziness instead of intention, momming it the way everyone said I should. And really, those are the things that I could say about real-time me. Just bigger worries, exhaustion more than laziness, and comparing myself and my family to everyone who pretends to have it right.
👉Lesson? Yes, I can unhook those hangups with a little more knowledge, a little experience, a reminder. 🧐Eleven years from now, I wonder what I will see, what I will learn...and where I will be on the other side of the view. I am just hoping there’s a little more growth, and that I will be a little less cringy.🙃 #momblogger #momlife #authorlife #memories #momofboys #andagirl

Confession of A Mom of Teens

 I will forever treasure this moment. Thank God I captured it. My boys, laughing together, enjoying the time with our family, no rushing to friends or practice, just sharing the same air and scenery with the rest of us.

While I would love to say that our family life is often filled with laughter, smiles, and happy teens, I am too transparent to leave you in a sugar-coated impression of my life. In total reality, this captured moment is an exception—an exception that I will desperately grieve because it expresses the norm I had hoped for, yet only experience in tiny, fragmented doses.

This year of growing into a house half-filled with teens has been a journey of wrestling with my expectations and facing the fear of it all slipping away.

I do too much out of expectation and fear. I try too hard to be that mom who says, “I love the teenage years,” when I have never felt anything harder on my heart and my insecurity than I have felt while raising teens. I am afraid that every missed moment of joy because of a battle of wills only piles failure on me and resentment on them. I am afraid of stepping into the empty nest that looms ahead with regret and heartache.
Fear and expectation. My two constant companions.

Yet, I am ever thankful for my friends who affirm the very real hardship of parenting a teen. And I am also thankful for my friends who remind me that my teens are pretty great people. Their risks are flaunting their independence and opinions, not partaking in dangerous dares (for the most part 🤪). They don’t seek attention by reckless behavior (for the most part 🙃), but they resist any advice or opinion with an eye roll, and agitate their siblings every.single.moment. Typical? I know. But because I have grounded my stubborn self in the expectation of perfectly parenting of teens, I am constantly mortified by each failed encounter, each relational disaster with their siblings, with me.
And above all else, I am devastated that we only have a short time left for these exceptional moments that really are just an exception.

I have to choose to enjoy these “Kodak” moments (showing my age here) in the very present. I need to realize that the journey isn’t an easy stroll down a sweet winding river, but a turbulent course with precious breathers along the way. Hopefully, I will capture each and every joy that’s left. And at the end of the course, I pray all the dread of bad memories haunting the chance of keeping any good ones will fall away, forgotten and settled with some calm.

If I am truly honest, I can ay least declare I am confident in one thing that lies ahead—I know I will become the mom of some amazing young men. And hopefully, they’ll return home every once in a while to make more regular joyful moments.

A Culture of Onlys

A door is always slightly open when I sit across from my husband on a date night, talking politics, religion, life from the varying views of a Christian and a Skeptic. My greatest witness is sharing with him that Christ is still possible beyond the man-declared onlys —Only way to think, only way to be, and only way to act...on political issues, on church establishments, on how we should view and treat those around us...mostly those onlys that in the end, stray from the very example Christ set. The world typically sees many camp in the notion that as long as it is spoken in His name, it’s an okay only.

Pharisaical? Maybe. Human? Yes.

I have seen it happening more and more, and I feel more and more desperate to denounce such things for the sake of souls, for the sake of a Name that’s being crucified over and over because of false claims. 

If I am honest, I preached the trivial for so long, I demanded that I knew it all, enlightened and confident—and then I broke and realized such knowing was so, so very human of me. 

How could I have thought so small when my God is so big? 

I have yet to discover an argument that disproves God—but I have heard many arguments that turn people away from Him. 

I beg you arguers out there, consider your words, are they worth a soul? Do you share Christ, or an opinion of who you might want Him to be because He seems safe—for you? 

I ask myself: Do I argue points because it is easy to explain away, or because it is true? Am I so bold to risk the soul of just one because my certainty is so important? 

Like my pastor is known to say, I hope to be more curious than certain. May I allow the God of the Universe be the Heart-changer and the Way-maker—not because of  the explanations and accusations of man, but mostly despite them.

After all, His ways are not our ways...I pray that I always remember that when I think I know better. And I hope I continue to seek the Truth of Christ in the actual Gospel, not the one that crops from a culture of Onlys.

A Mom’s Word about Anxiety

I hugged my kids this morning...at least 2 of them...(mom of teens here).

One whispered, “I am scared”, but then burst with a smile because it was a fleeting fear amidst the excitement.

Two kids were cool, ready for this day because they truly are “in their element” around their peers, in their classrooms, down the halls (see the kid on the curb, waiting for the bus, snapping his friends that he’s on his way?)

But, one of mine just needed a really long hug, a pep talk all the way from the stairs to the curb...an easy breezy mama encouragement while tears filled his eyes. He didn’t feel good, he admitted his fear, he kept saying over and over, “I can’t do this, Mom”....and I kept smiling saying, “Oh yes you can.”

This is life with anxiety, friends. While some kids go to school to get filled up with friendship, up the cool factor, savor the thrill of being known, some kids are stepping into territory that caves in, with pressure on, expecting uncertainty at every step.

I will just say it—

Mamas, daddies, teachers... speak the truth of kindness into your kiddos—remind them that not everyone is the same, and it’s ok to be kind to those who are different. Remind them that above all else, character counts, and popularity at another’s expense is not worth it. Can I say that again?

👉Popularity at another’s expense is not worth it.👈Remind them to speak truth in the face of rumors, to give grace to that kid who said something weird, to help those who just might not have the confidence to put themselves out there.

Today, I reminded my own kids to be the light, make friends with the kids who are new, and to be kind.

I can’t just send them off to fend for themselves...I want them to fend for others.

It’s the way to be. (I want them to be those people who were that for me—the military brat who went to 3 different elementaries and 3 different middle schools. I know the fear!)

I pray that most kids got the same mama bear advice this morning, the same pep-talk farewell this day, and are walking the halls with my kids, taking the kindness to heart, this first day of school. #mamalove #firstdayofschool #schooldays📚 #kindness #makingadifference

Let's Celebrate The Yellow Lantern!

I am so excited that friends are finding The Yellow Lantern on shelves in bookstores! 

If you have read my story, be sure to leave reviews on Amazon, B&N, Christianbook.com, Target, ...wherever fiction is sold! 

Also...

Tonight, I plan to share the winner of the July giveaway, the contents of the August giveaway, and what to be on the look out for in August! This has been such a fun book release.

Hope to see you tonight at 8pm cst at Angie Dicken, Author page.