Dream Chasers

It's been a while.
But, while my blog has been bare for the past few months, my life has overflowed. I finished writing my tenth novel--one that took every piece of my heart to write. The journey of writing that story was a healing one...which, if it is ever published, and you read it, you might understand why.

In my non-writing life, I've been the mother hen ushering kids this way and that, giving pep talks, volunteering, working, wondering, considering, and everything that goes with being a human in this day and age of social media onslaught, biased news filtering, and noisy opinion-makers crowding my ears.

But, there has been a steadiness, and I find it in these things:

My mediation on what God is up to in all of it
The dreams brewing beneath the roof of my home
The hearts needing fostering during those dream chases

And today, I am inspired to declare that because I have been a dream chaser with each and every newly written book for publication, I have suddenly discovered my dual purpose in mentoring my own son--a dream chaser like his mama.

His dream is different than mine, but his heart, his passion, his motivation is probably more than I have ever felt--and if you know me and my tendency to be overly passionate about my dreams, then you know that it's a great feat for my son to outshine my dream pursuit with his own.

When I think of dream chasing on an optimistic day, I see speed gained, the tunnel light growing like the newborn sun. But when I think of dream chasing on a pessimistic swing (these happen way more than I care to admit), I think of the leap and the face flat crash, the light is snuffed like a flame extinguished between the grubby fingers of reality.

For me, even the latter is bearable. I can swallow my disappointment and focus on the present. Push aside the dream, chasing for the very real joys and triumphs of life as a mom, a friend, a wife. Yet, when it is my own son whose dream plays hard to get, whose effort is outstanding but not enough by his own measure, I am willing to bargain with God and trade my dream-coming-true for my son's.

Perhaps this is the very crux of the gospel. Christ gave up his life so that we might live outside the darkness. And in this lenten walk of mine, I know that to be true...that a parent's journey is never triumphant if their child's left in despair.

I would give up my dream so my son could fulfill his. There really is no doubt it. And in this realization, I am grateful for my own dream chasing because while I once gave it credit as growing me and teaching me perseverance in God's calling, perhaps another more selfless purpose is to align me with my son, to give me understanding of his deep passion for something bigger than himself, and to keep me his steady encourager during those optimistic days, and his gospel whisperer during his disappointments.
For the gospel is sweet, it's true, it's the ultimate dream come true, and every dream chase can find hope in what lies ahead because of the gospel. The first dream-come-true.

My Boys, My Teens, and Me

The other night, we were watching old family videos—and when I say “videos” I am talking about the little vhs tapes that actually insert in a video camera. Video videos. My husband and I sat and laughed at the 6 yr old, 3yr old and barely 2 yr old from this strange we-know-who-you-become viewpoint. There were a few things I discovered:
👉Predictions are pointless. The 2 year old future MLB player who kept begging for Daddy to throw the “bay-ball” is now the recreational rock climber who “hates” organized sports.😂 
👉Kids Show their distinct selves early on. My boys are 3 different teens, and they were 3 different little boys. The oldest was serious. The middle was playful, and the littlest brother—well, he often did his own thing. Now, imagine all that times 11. A driven oldest, an outgoing middle, and the little brother—unique in every way.🥳
👉I have learned a lot, and I haven’t learned anything. Looking at yourself 11 years ago—it’s so cringy (as the kids say)🤦‍♀️What I saw from the now-standpoint: The joy around me, the precious present I had, and the ridiculous things that rattled me—like the 2 yr old wanting to throw the Christmas balls from the tree. I was appalled then—but now, I’m like—well, duh! Shame stabbed me as I saw the uneven attention I gave to my littles at certain moments. And even more when I snapped at a 3 year old who just couldn’t keep his hands off the next present for his little brother...like he should know better. 😩 So much worrying, acting out of laziness instead of intention, momming it the way everyone said I should. And really, those are the things that I could say about real-time me. Just bigger worries, exhaustion more than laziness, and comparing myself and my family to everyone who pretends to have it right.
👉Lesson? Yes, I can unhook those hangups with a little more knowledge, a little experience, a reminder. 🧐Eleven years from now, I wonder what I will see, what I will learn...and where I will be on the other side of the view. I am just hoping there’s a little more growth, and that I will be a little less cringy.🙃 #momblogger #momlife #authorlife #memories #momofboys #andagirl