A Mom’s Word about Anxiety

I hugged my kids this morning...at least 2 of them...(mom of teens here).

One whispered, “I am scared”, but then burst with a smile because it was a fleeting fear amidst the excitement.

Two kids were cool, ready for this day because they truly are “in their element” around their peers, in their classrooms, down the halls (see the kid on the curb, waiting for the bus, snapping his friends that he’s on his way?)

But, one of mine just needed a really long hug, a pep talk all the way from the stairs to the curb...an easy breezy mama encouragement while tears filled his eyes. He didn’t feel good, he admitted his fear, he kept saying over and over, “I can’t do this, Mom”....and I kept smiling saying, “Oh yes you can.”

This is life with anxiety, friends. While some kids go to school to get filled up with friendship, up the cool factor, savor the thrill of being known, some kids are stepping into territory that caves in, with pressure on, expecting uncertainty at every step.

I will just say it—

Mamas, daddies, teachers... speak the truth of kindness into your kiddos—remind them that not everyone is the same, and it’s ok to be kind to those who are different. Remind them that above all else, character counts, and popularity at another’s expense is not worth it. Can I say that again?

👉Popularity at another’s expense is not worth it.👈Remind them to speak truth in the face of rumors, to give grace to that kid who said something weird, to help those who just might not have the confidence to put themselves out there.

Today, I reminded my own kids to be the light, make friends with the kids who are new, and to be kind.

I can’t just send them off to fend for themselves...I want them to fend for others.

It’s the way to be. (I want them to be those people who were that for me—the military brat who went to 3 different elementaries and 3 different middle schools. I know the fear!)

I pray that most kids got the same mama bear advice this morning, the same pep-talk farewell this day, and are walking the halls with my kids, taking the kindness to heart, this first day of school. #mamalove #firstdayofschool #schooldays📚 #kindness #makingadifference

Finding Contentment

Life is an easy distraction from a deeper purpose, isn't it? I can quickly slip into complaining and wishing for something better, instead of accepting my lot and realizing the great blessing--even in hardship.
My roles as a wife and mother often seem like crosses...but truly, they are my greatest gifts. Why do I criticize my gifts so? Why do I find myself inadequate in the journey? I have a sneaking suspicion it's because I am focusing on me, instead of on Him who gives me Life in the first place.

"We grow up when we see our life and our role from God's perspective; when we thank God for the role He has assigned us and begin to see our cup as a GIFT instead of a cross; when each morning we ask, "God, how can I glorify You today in my given role?"

Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow is pointing my inward perspective to an upward one. And the freedom is begin to ripple inside me.

Happy Sunday!

My Friendship Anxiety

Lately, I've had some major anxiety. Surprising? Maybe not. Four kids, a husband, a house, two dogs,
two books, a couple WIP's (works-in-progress), and part-time ministry work--throw in baseball practice, ballet, cub scouts, school volunteering...and ...

I have a buffet-style filled plate and it is overflowing.

And I love it.

No matter how much I complain about it...it's LIFE in the fullest sense.

But I have been contemplating lately, and the anxiety I speak about has little to do with all that life. I've noticed that my deepest seeds of insecurity are in my lifelong treasure--Friendship. If you've read my last post, "My Grief List", you know this is something I care for deeply, and I mourn when there's change.

There have been a few recent interactions that have shaken me to the bone, and have caused me to wonder what the root of this insecurity is.

Why do I view my friendships as so...conditional?

I often find myself apologizing to my friends for what I've said or, WHAT I THINK...I don't trust my opinions to not be taken as weapons of destruction. I don't trust my heart to be valued beyond my actions or my mistakes.

Something inside me has shouted for years,

"Friendship is temporal. It will inevitably fail because of ME."

The lies float in my head and they are toxic to my spirit:

"You can't be too different than your friend or they'll reject you."

"Your opinions must line up or you have nothing in common."

"You are too outspoken and your words will kill the friendship."

"You only have a finite number of chances to fail before they will walk away."

Honestly, some of these things have come to fruition over the years. I have the scars of dead friendships because, in my perception, one of these lies has proven true.

And I think that's the ugly root of it all. The lies appear to be true. But, do I really know the depth of what was going on in the other person's heart? What scars were they acting on?

I love the verse in Thessalonians. It proves that the author must have sat with the Thessalonians in their disbelief, in their differing opinion, and grown in love before anything else. There was no judgement there, just growing friendship. "We cared so much for you..." came first. Not, "Because you received the Gospel, we cared for you..."

They cared for them. Like I care for my friends--regardless of what they think or believe. At least, in theory. I have the scars to prove that as a friend, I have been considered, "Too much", "Too different", "Too me."

This is where grief comes into play, I guess. I think my anxiety is just part of the grief cycle of lost friendships, and the changing ones. And just like a grieving soul, I have allowed people to become too much of an indicator of my joy.

There's so much joy to be had. And I have turned my back on it too much lately. I mean, I have some pretty amazing friends...and yet, I am a doomsayer, waiting for them to turn their backs on me because of...me.

I want to take those lies and rip them to shreds, and plant my heart with truth. I want different to be amazingly attractive. I want opinions to be counted as thought-provoking and valued for what they are worth--so very little in the shadow of truth. And I want fallibility and failure to be seen as an open door to love even more.

The cool thing is, I have some wonderful people in my life who already grow this way. They are some pretty amazing grace-bearing women.

I just need to cut a sample from them and plant it in my own heart.  Because they have grown dear to me, and I want to share my life with them even in my imperfection.

Establishing Peace Among Us: Faith-Filled Friday

Anxiety is a common term around here. My son (in the picture) struggles with it day in and day out.
The little eight year old mind seems to wrestle with peace and discord.
All the time.
And it's something he showed signs of from the time he was very young. But still.
Guilt presses in on my mama heart as I consider the anxiety-ridden mess that was my marriage these past two years, and the thin shadow of stress that still follows us around. I know it will be there for quite some time in this wounded marriage, and we must find peace within the tension.
What seeps out from our relationship is surely absorbed by our children at some level.
On this Faith-Filled friday, I long for peace established among us...
Among the heart of my son who often loses hope in any peace as he cannot shut off his mind.
Among my house, where there are many treaded-upon eggshells.
Among my own heart, that I don't contribute to the mess, but channel the peace God so freely offers in His grace.

We are small compared to the entirety of God's people referenced in the verse above, but our family is in need of peace just the same. And I have hope, because I know God has performed works even here.