My Mistake

I met a certain gal about 15 years ago. We were very different in many ways, but we found ourselves in the same season of life as young mothers and became fast friends. During this time, 2004-me had become wrapped up in pro-life meetings and agendas. I was part of an organization that fueled my passion. I made my stance clear whenever “politics” came up. I felt as though it was my duty to inform, and shock, and change minds.

My dear friend had an opposite opinion than me. While I discounted her opinion as lesser, she had come much closer to the complications of abortion than I ever had. Yet, I never cared to really listen to her. 

In the end, this friend, whom I had counted on in my challenges as a young mother, couldn’t count on me to make her feel safe with what she’d endured before we met. While she may have mourned and found peace with her past moments in life, every time I blared and shared devastating materials on the matter, I tossed her backward into a deep wound—one that was not my job to hash out.

Finally, our friendship melted away. She won't even accept my friend request on social media. Of course not. She's not sure what she'll see. The sad fact is, I would have never changed her mind on the matter of abortion. But, I will always regret losing that relationship. I am not sure the way I shared that opinion was worth the burnt bridge. 

Since then, I have been given the chance to love friends through experiences that I've never had nor hope for. I've been near to unborn life and I've carried dying life within me. Miscarriage was one of my most devastating and humbling experiences. I have heard stories of desecration of life outside the womb, and I have friends who openly share their horror stories of abuse and shame, yet now use their life as bright ministry to help others. Honestly, I probably treasure life--unborn and born--more now than I ever have.

I am shaken by the news on so many different issues these days. I feel the sadness over many decisions that disregard all sorts of life and humanity. I am aware of the darkness around us. 

 Maybe there are those out there who take advantage of the legal procedures in our society, and certainly there are corrupt lawmakers and doctors and practitioners…but confronted with all these stories and posts and memes, I cannot help but grieve along with the many, many women who are wounded by the choices (not just abortion) that come with unborn life, as they scroll through their newsfeeds these days.

2019-me does not want to be the friend that is viewed as the last person to share wounds with. 

I am called to be the first—the first to reach out in compassion, love, acceptance. 

Yep, acceptance. 

I love my friends more than what has happened to them or the choices they make. I want to be a safe place. I want to understand. I want to give hope. That is all. 

No judgement in 2019. Learning from my own mistakes.

Living in the Grey

Our counselor of several years, once told us that kids tend to see issues through a black and white lens. It's up to us as parents to encourage our children to not fear the chance that there are more sides to an issue, and that it's alright to think beyond the status quo and come up with a thoughtful perspective.

Ooh, that sounds scary. Having these little minds around who don't accept truth because you say so? Believe me, I completely get that. It was my BIGGEST fear for my children when my husband stepped away from the church.

But, letting go of that fear has been my GREATEST freedom--a freedom that sometimes opens the gates for frustration when I see adults taking the black and white approach on an issue. When I see human brokenness treated as a mis-step from the "right" side of the issue, I cringe at the disregard that the issue might be the outcome of a deeper problem...a deeper wound...even an actual NEED that has yet to be met.

In the face of government fiascos, gender wars, sports figures' choices, sexuality debates, or even doctrinal differences, what if we didn't just choose a side, but saw the issues from all sides, and not just realize the topic, but dig deeper into the reason for the hurt, the need, the sprouting of such an issue?

What if those of us who just say "yes" to the one side of an issue because that's how it has been done, or SHOULD be done, are missing out on the chance to understand humanity deeper, and to realize the ultimate need for a Savior beyond even ourselves (even our "right")?

The only black and white Truth walked among all the grey and understood the brokenness. 

He didn't shame anyone for their weakness, but offered strength in something beyond a yes or no. He cared for the most colorful and diverse entity on Earth--the human heart.

I am not saying to live lukewarm. Or that we become lukewarm. On the contrary, I am suggesting that we stop shouting like clanging cymbals and getting fired up by the symptom, and start offering healing to the hearts that need us--every human, no matter their affiliation, opinion, or side.

I don't want to contribute to the divide on matters that don't matter as much as the people affected by them. I want to be the messy smear of black and white and show how we can step into the grey and find color again.

Find hearts again.