My Mistake

I met a certain gal about 15 years ago. We were very different in many ways, but we found ourselves in the same season of life as young mothers and became fast friends. During this time, 2004-me had become wrapped up in pro-life meetings and agendas. I was part of an organization that fueled my passion. I made my stance clear whenever “politics” came up. I felt as though it was my duty to inform, and shock, and change minds.

My dear friend had an opposite opinion than me. While I discounted her opinion as lesser, she had come much closer to the complications of abortion than I ever had. Yet, I never cared to really listen to her. 

In the end, this friend, whom I had counted on in my challenges as a young mother, couldn’t count on me to make her feel safe with what she’d endured before we met. While she may have mourned and found peace with her past moments in life, every time I blared and shared devastating materials on the matter, I tossed her backward into a deep wound—one that was not my job to hash out.

Finally, our friendship melted away. She won't even accept my friend request on social media. Of course not. She's not sure what she'll see. The sad fact is, I would have never changed her mind on the matter of abortion. But, I will always regret losing that relationship. I am not sure the way I shared that opinion was worth the burnt bridge. 

Since then, I have been given the chance to love friends through experiences that I've never had nor hope for. I've been near to unborn life and I've carried dying life within me. Miscarriage was one of my most devastating and humbling experiences. I have heard stories of desecration of life outside the womb, and I have friends who openly share their horror stories of abuse and shame, yet now use their life as bright ministry to help others. Honestly, I probably treasure life--unborn and born--more now than I ever have.

I am shaken by the news on so many different issues these days. I feel the sadness over many decisions that disregard all sorts of life and humanity. I am aware of the darkness around us. 

 Maybe there are those out there who take advantage of the legal procedures in our society, and certainly there are corrupt lawmakers and doctors and practitioners…but confronted with all these stories and posts and memes, I cannot help but grieve along with the many, many women who are wounded by the choices (not just abortion) that come with unborn life, as they scroll through their newsfeeds these days.

2019-me does not want to be the friend that is viewed as the last person to share wounds with. 

I am called to be the first—the first to reach out in compassion, love, acceptance. 

Yep, acceptance. 

I love my friends more than what has happened to them or the choices they make. I want to be a safe place. I want to understand. I want to give hope. That is all. 

No judgement in 2019. Learning from my own mistakes.

What do you see?

What would it be like to look at all sides of a person at one time? To see them—really see them—for who they are in every intricate way? Maybe a little frightening? Maybe disturbing? Perhaps, we’d find ourselves in them.

 When our tour guide at our local art center pointed out that this Picasso displayed all sides of the face at once, I finally understood the painter who I had only seen from one perspective before. 

I wonder if we all have a little bit of each other made up in our whole. The same fears, rejections, perspectives, loves. Have you ever walked through a group of people, and at first glance you see complete opposite traits as you? Maybe the way they dress, or act, or speak? If we could see all sides of a person at once, maybe those differences would fade to the background of our likenesses? After all, each one of us is created in the image of God.

And as a fiction author it resonates with me greatly. I love plunging deep in my characters, and exploring every side of their perspectives, wants, needs. My goal is to give the reader a portrait where they can find themselves, to give them an avenue of empathy, and a trace of truth in the made-up world.

 Thank you, Mr. Picasso, for this visual. While some of the little girls in our group said it was weird, (and I thought the same at first), I now understand that, for myself, I need to try and remember that all of us have different sides—but in each of our God-given makeups, there is some of the same.

What Have We Become?

My husband (former fan of D.C. Talk), put on this song after we had a discussion about a news story today. This song. Just so good. Lyrics below.


"What Have We Become?"

A preacher shuns his brother
Cause his bride's a different color
And this is not acceptable
His papa taught him so

It was love that he'd been preaching
But this was overreaching
The boundaries stretchin' further
Than his heart would choose to go

Like an angel with no wings
Like a kingdom with no king

What have we become?
A self indulgent people
What have we become?
Tell me where are the righteous ones?
What have we become?
In a world degenerating
What have we become?

Speak your mind, look out for yourself
The answer to it all is a life of wealth
Grab all you can cause you live just once
You got the right to do whatever you want
Don't worry about others or where you came from
It ain't what you were, it's what you have become

Mom and Dad are fightin'
As Rosie lies there crying
For once again she's overheard
Regrets of their mistake

With Christmas bells a-ringing
Little Rosie'd leave them grievin'
The gift she'd give her family
Would be the pills she'd take

An inconvenient child
She wasn't worth their while

What have we become?
A self indulgent people
What have we become?
Tell me where are the righteous ones?
What have we become?
In a world degenerating
What have we become?

Speak your mind, look out for yourself
The answer to it all is a life of wealth
Grab all you can cause you live just once
You got the right to do whatever you want
Don't worry about others or where you came from
It ain't what you were, it's what you have become

Don't worry about others or where you came from
It ain't what you were, it's what you have become

What about love?
What about God?
What about holiness?
What about mercy, compassion and selflessness?

You know it's true
He is there for me and you
Doesn't matter what you do

What have we become?
A self indulgent people
What have we become?
Tell me where are the righteous ones?
What have we become?
In a world degenerating

What have we become?
Have we come undone?
What have we become?
Have we come undone?
What have we become?

Selfish... [?]
With selfish... [?]
Selfish people
When you gonna learn?
Everyone of us
Gathered 'round in trust
What have we become?

Religious Confusion: Faith-Filled Friday