When Your Kid is Golden: Mama Drama Monday

I learned a lot this weekend. I hate to admit it, but it was in the setting of youth sports. And I hate to admit that because I despise how important that setting has become in our family's lives. Mainly, I despise it because of the emotions, the politics, and the injustices that occur more often than not. It seems like no matter how hard we as a family try to be level-headed and team players, we always find ourselves swept up in the political current of youth sport drama. And it sucks.

You know how Scripture often talks about the refiner's fire, and how you have to take the heat to come out on the other side better--like gold? While I have found myself far from the finished product (actually, this weekend I may have taken a couple steps back into the fire's core), I have this kid who's shining bright.

This kid.

I get so wrapped up in the woes and heartaches of the siblings on either side of him, that I hardly take the time to tap into his heart. But, Someone has been there all along, working and refining and polishing him to this unbelievable shine.

When I see injustice--my son says, "It's just a game, mom." But yet, he gives 110% when he's in the "game".

When I see someone else gaining the favor that he truly deserves--my son only compliments the kid without a sliver of envy.

When I see an opponent get a base hit to first where my son plays, and we grumble--my son gives a fist bump to the opponent and says, "good job".

Geez. I felt like a lump of coal this weekend sitting next my shiny boy in the front seat of the car. Youth sports had gotten the best of me, Mama Bear emerged, and the fair/unfair banter in my head was loud and obnoxious.

Yet my eleven year old took it, tossed out the crap and held onto the gems of the day.  I mean, he's got his flaws...not saying that he doesn't feel the sting of disappointment. Actually, the day started off that way. He came up to me disappointed in the start of the game. Which is probably what triggered my own downward spiral. BUT, what he did with that disappointment revealed all that I learned this weekend.

Now, he's starting his first day of summer camp...what he so excitedly refers to as, "the highlight of his summer". I am so happy for him. That he gets this time to spend with friends, and God, and goodness.

THAT is what his shiny heart truly deserves. Praying he comes back rested and ready to show his mama up, once again. ;)

My Son's Advocate: Mama Drama Monday

What do you do when your child is crushed by life? Every turn you see him struggle, you see him deal with emotions way too big for his life's predicaments. You see the glow of childhood snuffed out with the blink of a school semester.

I pray, and beg, and cry.

I seek answers, and solutions, and negotiations.

What I've come to find out is, getting him help starts with me. There's nobody so in-tuned to the heart of a child than his mother (except God, of course). And if I was unaware of his coming and going, his failures and struggles, then I think, he'd truly be tossed to the wayside to deal with life on his own.

And that can lead to a whole slew of problems down the way.

I write this today, to all the mamas out there. If you sense your child is clouded with gloom, speak up. If he's overwhelmed at school, set up that meeting with the counselor...the teacher...the principal. You are your child's ONLY advocate. You are the one who is attached to him not only by responsibility, but by love. And Love is definitely a powerful weapon.

I didn't realize how easy it would be for my child to get lost in the crowd, and I didn't expect his school's resources to be so willing to help. But I had to ask.

I had to be the squeaky wheel...for the sake of my child.

Lights were turned on, paths are being carved, and I see hope in my child's stance again. I see relief flow down upon his shoulders like cool waters, and he smiles and he anticipates and he is eager. He's found joy, or at least, the promise of it in the weeks ahead.

 I sit here, on this Mama Drama monday, the day after Mother's Day, and think, wow, what horrible drama might have occurred if I didn't listen to my God-given instinct to raise up my child through the muck.

Listen to your hearts, listen to your child, and step out as their advocate.

You are the only one.

Putting the Smack Down on Video Game Addiction: Mama Drama

You know, it's hard to parent these days. I know. We have technology like no other generation, and
our kids have grown a sweet tooth for virtual candy.

I have always struggled with what the limit should be...first with T.V. , now with MineCraft, Disney Infinity, Lego Dimensions, iPhone Apps, IPad play...yeah it goes on and on.

Honestly, I've done it to us. I am the one who handed my kids the video game platter. I bought the stupid plastic.

But, I am at my limit. After a long winter of gaming, I have decided to pull the plug (sorry for the cliche...but I literally just went around the house and did that to the computer and the xbox.)

Here are my top reasons:

7. When my baseball loving kid would rather sit on the couch and play virtual basketball instead of going to practice

6. When my swimmer throws a fit before swim practice because he'd rather "relax and play the xbox with his brother"--yes, and he uses the "brother unity" card to get mama's heart soft. Brotherly love? Eh...

5. When the kids just can't get a long after a long bout of gaming because they "kill" each other, sabotage each other's MineCraft creations, run upstairs in tears because they hate their brother for all the turmoil he's caused their world.

4. When video game time is up and World War III explodes because of the emotional weaning from game world to real world.

3. When I teach Sunday School, and other zombie children fill prayer request time with MineCraft talk. No way? Yes, way.

2. When Sunday night is mental breakdown and stress drama because they forgot about the homework Mama kept asking about ALL weekend...but they got plenty of time to defeat that world and try a gazillion other games.

1. When real life is seen as breaks from video game time. No, reading a book for 30 minutes does not mean it is a good break from gaming. 

You break from life with entertainment, not the other way around.

So, my boys will walk into the house today, with a big notice at their feet, and I will hang it up on the wall for a reminder. We've got to work on real life character, attitude, responsibility around here. Yes, there will be kicking, screaming, and gnashing of teeth, but caving to my reluctance for more Mama Drama is not going to benefit my kids at all. It's time to put the smack down on gaming. Lord Help Me!

Breathe Again

It's hard to breathe when you refuse air.

And it's hard to breathe when you witness someone refusing to inhale.

Especially someone so very close to you. Someone who breathed their first breath in your presence.
Once you become a mother, your breath nearly always seems to depend on that of your child. If they aren't breathing--living to the full--then you are struggling for air.

These past weeks have taken my breath away. Not in a romantic, dreamy way. But in a crippling way as I see my children struggle to breathe in the only hope I find to be true. It has a lot to do with why I chose my word for the year, Redeem.
We need it around here.

So. Yesterday at church, the pastor preached on the new sermon series to kick off the new year. And it's centered on Acts 3:19:

"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord..."

In the Greek, the word, "refreshing" actually means "to breathe again". I love that. It's shown me something redemptive, and as I said, my word this year is REDEEM.

Living with an atheist has had me shirk away from the idea of sin. Sin is a big BAD no-no in a
Godless view. We're all good, humanity is good (after all, we are here by such an amazingly small chance), sin is ridiculous and the idea of it is detrimental to the future of humanity. If there was such thing as sin, then you are against humanity, against nature, against your very being.

But.

There may be something unknown in that word--by those so opposed to it. And it's the very essence of our relationship with our Creator. It's the very essence of our need for redemption. It's the fact that we, in all our humanness, breathed...in all our free will, were given breath...and WE have missed the mark in our effort to breathe apart from the Maker.

It's no wonder sin is powerful, because it stops our breathing in, and then we struggle for air in the darkness.

Sorry for the sermon, but I am really processing this for myself. Because, in order to have any air around here, I think I have tried to compromise with truth for the sake of my marriage. And I've allowed lies to warp my heart.

Not that my husband has any say in this, but, because I am a peace maker by default, I try to find the middle ground...and I went a little past the middle.

The fact that sin is part of us, is actually a reason to rejoice in living...again. To remember that there is a second chance out there, and that we've been given it regardless of which sin, and because we have sinned. Sin has given us a journey to understand our significance through the eyes of a Savior. Not that I love sin for that, but I love the plan that God can use ANYTHING to show us HIS EVERYTHING. Nothing is wasted. Not even our brokenness.

It starts with me. I can only change myself, or at least, it's up to me to surrender to Christ and refresh in His presence. I can't push my children, or my husband to "repent"...to "believe"...to "breathe again". That's God's job. I can only blot out my own transgressions and breathe again, welcoming the presence of the Lord...

And hopefully that presence will grow strong in my house, and there will be a gasping for air again.

Mama-Writer Drama Monday

On Friday night, I went to my first NaNoWriMo Write In.

Let's just say...I had plenty of action going on in my head like the Disney movie, Inside Out. I think I experienced the full gamut of emotions that night.

What I learned from the experience:

1. I have no ability in speed-writing. I barely reached the half-way mark of each goal set. If they said 1200 words in 26 minutes, I got a little less than 600. Really, how could I write anything worth reading again in that ratio?? For me, I just couldn't. And I am not one to slash thousands of words at the editing stage. I might as well start over. So after hour three, I stopped trying to write fast and just get my story out as best as possible. I like the process of applying meaning to every scene, thinking a bit and deciding what my character's motive is and how to get her from point a to b. I can't flesh that out in twenty minutes. Give me a two hour bench mark, and I'll show you something, but 20 minutes? No bueno for Miss. Slow-Pantster.

2. I've missed out on the writing community in my area. I had NO IDEA that so many people in my area were working on a novel. Wow, I get most of my writing encouragement online, but to get it face to face? That's pretty cool. It's always good to be in community.

3. Time is precious to a Mama-Writer. If I am going to step away from family life to write for five hours, then I expect to do just that...write. And for a NaNoWriMo Write In? I better not expect to do just that. It really is a social-spurring on, a snack attack, and a race against the clock--in small spurts. I could've left after the first race, and found a quiet nook in the empty library to hash out a few chapters on my own, but I chose to stick it out in the group. And while I didn't get as much written as I hope, I don't feel like I really wasted my time. I got a sense of inspiration--a glimpse that others out there cared about getting their stories out--and I am a slow, methodical writer when I often call myself a pantster. Nope. Not me. I need it planned out to get going. Learn something new every day.

Happy NaNoWriMo to you if you're writing! I hope you beat the clock tonight and get more word count...and a few more!

A dose of Encouragement on Mama Drama Monday

Today, I am hosting guest blogger Patricia Beal over at the Alley today. And while she is a Mama Writer like me, her words of wisdom can stretch way beyond just writing. Be sure to stop by for...

The Writer's Alley

Writing Mamas Unite! Mama Drama Monday

There's just nothing better than other mamas out there encouraging you in this season. And the ones who have been wired just.like.you. are certainly very special indeed.

I have been blessed with Mama-Writer friends. We have the same crazy passion to make up stories and make them count!

One gal who has made this reality, is my dear friend, Pepper Basham. She debuted this past May with an amazing book, The Thorn Bearer. Seriously, the message and the writing are just so brilliant. NOW, she is already promoting the second in the series, The Thorn Keeper. I have had the chance to read some of this story, to brainstorm with her, and to watch an amazing weaving of words and characters create a very purpose-filled message and beautiful romance.

Intrigued yet?

Well, this FRIDAY, Pepper is going to reveal the cover!!! I am soooo excited, because it's such a great cover (yes, I have had the chance to take a peek...privilege of a Mama-Writer friend).

Be sure to stop by on Fictitious Friday, comment, and then click on Pepper's website (below)!

Here's an official invite to Pepper's Cover Release Party. Don't worry, I will put a reminder up on Friday! It's a Double Giveaway as Mamas unite:

Fictitious Friday giveaway and at www.pepperdbasham.com

Mama Drama Monday is about praising all those Mama Writers out there, and the drama it takes to make a dream come true!

Passing up the G Rating: Mama Drama Monday

My boys insisted that they wanted to see the film Boy In The Striped Pajamas on Friday night. Only the two oldest were up, and we were going to watch a "big person" movie together. I warned them what the movie might have in it, that it was about Nazis and concentration camps and hate. And that it would probably be very, very sad. Even though I told them, they wanted to watch it anyway, and I let them. 

During the movie about an eight year old boy who finds out the horror inflicted by his Nazi father as he stumbles into it, I heard my sons ask,

"Who would do that?" and "Why would they think that?" and "How did people let them?"

If you have seen it, you know there weren't many graphic scenes...a lot implied though. And my boys know how to read implications. At one point, they even questioned if it was a horror film because they just didn't understand the Nazi mentality and the sheer brokenness of the victims. The hatred displayed by the Nazis in the movie stirred an agonizing pain in all of us--over seventy years after they held any power.

When the credits rolled, my nearly eleven year old baby boy rolled over and cried in his pillow. And the next morning he said, "I can't believe how sad that was."

It's hard to watch your child hurt because of the suffering inflicted on humanity. It makes you question whether introducing the darkness of the human condition will shade their growing up with a gloomy perspective of the world, and chip their hearts into a cynical lens of humanity's capability. 

Seriously, years ago I would have said, "No PG  + movies until they are well into their teens." And besides movies, I would have probably sugar-coated much of what they asked to know, probably even steering their eyes, ears, friendships, schooling...etc...into the perfect mold I thought would give them a full 18 years of innocence.

Ha. YEAH RIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT! We all hear time and time again, that our culture is degrading and our kids are losing their innocence faster and faster. And it's true in many ways. And there are things I just don't think my adolescents need to see or hear.

But I didn't think it through. I didn't think about the valuable lessons that just aren't rated G.

I didn't trust that my kids' own humanity would recoil at evil, and compassion might take root in face of tragedy.

Helicopter parent? Yep, a few years ago I was.

But now? As they grow, and learn, and hurt, I just can't risk keeping them in the bubble of happy endings. Unlike the little boy in the movie who was oblivious to the Nazi horror until he stumbled upon it himself, there is a better way to equip my kids for the depravity out there. I can walk the path of knowing beside my kids, and allow the world to be seen--from a distance, in small doses--using its ugliness as an instigator to adjust their moral compasses to truth, love, and compassion.

They might lose some innocence along the way to adulthood, but if they are going to grow into humane adults, then it's worth it...and necessary...for a future generation of protectors of the innocent.

So this mama drama is real stuff...not just silliness...this is the drama I must endure to get to the parenting meat. The very real life junk that must be processed in a very life-changing way. 

My kids' hearts depend on it.