That Lasting Kiss

I haven't blogged in f.o.r.e.v.e.r. Here, anyway. You can always catch me at The Writer's Alley. But, life has been a bit overflowing--good for me, but not so good for this space of mine. I'll catch you up soon...very soon. But right now, my heart needs to bleed...and this is my perfect ground for such an outpour.

a kiss from long ago..sans curls

Perhaps my middle-aged hormones are kicking in (I remember a time, not too long ago, where "Middle Age" only pertained to me because of my love of history...now, it's a real aspect of the present me. ACK. A blog post for another time).

Maybe, my over-active imagination is a bit swollen today since I am hunkering down to tackle edits and brainstorms. But, when I dropped my kindergartner off today, about a month into school starting, I nearly wept on the way home. It was a strange feeling because of what triggered it.

It was a kiss.

Ever had a hug or a kiss linger as you walk away? I could still feel her curls on my chin and her forehead on my lips. Her small whimper signaling the bittersweet goodbye echoed in my ears when I was almost a block away, and her hand on my neck left its warmth even as I turned on the highway.

What a blessing.

To leave her in the care of her teacher but take a reminder of my love home with me.

But my mind is a vicious thing, and it taunted me:

What if that's all you have left of her? What if that was the last kiss?

Half of my loves walking the halls

Years ago, those thoughts would have rarely entered the mind of a mother dropping off her kids at
school. Um, I really don't how far back I can go to a time that it never crossed a mama's mind, the morbid thoughts have been a sad reality for nearly my entire adult life.

Fear grips me, and I want to head back to the school and say, "Never mind, World, I am not giving my children to you. I will do this thing myself."

Um...

Been there, done that--didn't go so well. My relationship with my oldest is still on the mends from our brief season of homeschooling (and I am not saying that all homeschool parents choose to educate out of fear. I know they don't. I know some are ten times better than any teacher, and some are given a gift that I, unfortunately, do not possess).

Fear is a crazy voice--it tells me to linger at the school...take my computer and set up shop in the school parking lot so I can keep an eye on the creeps that enter those doors. Hmmm....that would not be so bad...

Fear is never rational, is it?

There is only one thing that can squelch my fear and assure me that there is a last kiss well beyond the future's horizon. And that's my hope.

Hope in things unseen. Hope in a Good Father who cares more for my children than I do. Hope in a school staff who do everything they can to make my children safe. Hope in Love. Hope in Good.

Hope.

Love.

Where would I be if it weren't for Hope? I'd be huddled in a corner waiting for the end of the world to come crashing down. I'd be scared to reach out and love because that is frightening and vulnerable.

Only through Hope can I step into the unknown with confidence and peace.

And so, as I sit here, ready to dive into edits five miles from my children, I realize that my pulse has calmed and the Peace that surpasses all understanding has invaded my heart.

Instead of panic in that last kiss of mine, I can find joy in the lasting kiss that it was, and the next kiss that will last too.

Have a beautiful weekend, and hold close those that you love.

What Every Married-With-Children Needs

Excuse the shoe!

I will never forget the time my grandfather told me that I needed to get a babysitter. That my husband and I needed time without kids.

Yep. 

He was very progressive. ;) I was a young mother, probably overly attached to my little tots and

running a bit ragged. When the boys were young, they clung to me and would meltdown in anyone else's arms. Looking back, it was no biggie. Actually, it is kind of nice to know that there was one point in their lives where I was numero uno. But at the time, my grandfather wasn't thinking about the motherhood of it all, he was actually speaking about the marriage of it all.

And, although I savor the moments with my children, I have to agree with him. Leaving the kids in someone else's care is a very good thing--especially for marriage.

It's been three years since we last went on a grown up trip. The last trip we took sans children was on the brink of the worst year of our lives. And as we walked through the valley, and seriously wondered if our marriage would survive, I had absolutely no desire to spend more than a couple hours alone with the man, let alone a week vacation.

But, 2015 had been a very good year for us. Still hard, still rocky, but a time of rebuilding our marriage in a new light, with different expectations. We've become friends again, something I thought could never be. And because of this, and the fact that we had bid on a trip to support the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation which was about to expire, we decided it was time to get away.

I had forgotten how important a getaway is in our marriage. It's a time where we must depend on each other for everything because we are in a unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, and nothing but time on our hands. It seems that we step into a time warp of young Mr. and Mrs. Dicken who were friends as much as newly weds. But with age on us. 

Everything's better with age, right?

Our friendship is deeper, more intellectual. Our love is stronger, especially after the storm its weathered. And when our hearts aren't spread thin among the needs of our children for a few days, we find devotion and strength again. Our marriage only grows.

On this Mama Drama Monday, as I face a summer schedule chocked full of camps, activities, and appointments, I reflect on the time just a week or so ago, where I sat on a beach, walked through a forest, and sipped a glass of wine on the very ground the grapes were grown, all beside my husband and my best friend. My marriage is better for it. I hope my family sees that too.

Christian Rumor: Mama Drama non-kid-induced

Our kids are being raised in a 'brave, new world'..and brave being used in the most loose way. I mean, seriously, spouting opinions about anything under the sun has become as widespread as inquiring to a new friend, "Where'd you grow up?"

Any delusion I may have had as a young mother assuming my kids would gradually be exposed to the ways of this world is obliterated in my current role as extinguisher-of-all-the-crap-my-nine-year-old-hears.

The child really is a sponge. And there are a lot of over-saturated sponges walking around his school telling him things about this big bad world. It's been a tough go of it, especially since he fears that a certain candidate will win and ruin the country (at his age, I was worried that the girl across the street would find a new best friend. Geez).

*BTW I strongly see his point on this* HOWEVER, something I came across today really put this phenomena of worldly topics reaching my kids ears (and hearts) in a whole new camp, and a dangerous one at that.

When a rumor is told, fiercely spread nationally, and a whole group is motivated to fan the flame, I am on a major defense and have to do my best to dig out the seed already planted in their little brains. And what makes me ferociously mad, is when the rumor-spreader is part of a Christian agenda.

Do you realize, Mr./Mrs. Christian Movement Maker, that you are crushing your witness to the world? You might be gaining steam politically or socially, but you are hurting the next generation in the most devastating way.

You are teaching my kids to judge (think there's a Bible verse on that) and alienate themselves from places where they might just make a difference.

You are running the risk of my children to not trust God's people. And that God's people are not trustworthy. And when that happens, they believe lies about God's people and God himself.

No Christian, no matter how well-intentioned, how desperate, or how popular, should associate with a rumor. If anything, Christians should be the first to stand up against the lies, the hate, the deceit. More and more, especially in election year, I see the mass quantity of falsities being spread indiscriminately. We have to sift through lies to even catch a glimpse at truth. And what's most scary, is how I see many people not being bothered to doing that, so they are constructing a false world around them, a flawed opinion that's gaining ground in taking over the young minds after us.

It's ugly and it must be stopped.

Stop believing rumors, Church. Start standing for truth, even if it doesn't puff up your agenda and it brings innocence to a non-believer. As my grandmother used to say,

The Truth's the Truth.

Let our kids grow up knowing that, first and foremost.

Mama Reinforcements

Is there any other job besides parenting where you feel like a complete failure over and over again, but never think about (or at least, seriously consider) calling it quits and looking for another place of employment?

It's just been one of those days...um, weeks...um...let's just say, school year 2015-2016 has been rough.

I am exhausted.

Thank God for good friends who are always ready to get away for a girls' night.

If you never give yourself time away from your kids, and if your kids aren't picture perfect little 1950's darlings, then I am telling you now...book a night out. It is certainly great medicine...or a vitamin to get you through til the next night out!

And the old saying, Distance makes the heart grow fonder?? Yeah, it's true even if it's just a few blocks away for a few hours. Mama Drama is spilling from Monday to Tuesday to today. Lord have mercy!

6lbs 9oz bundle in 5th grade: Mama-Drama Monday

6lbs 9oz bundle. Yeah. That's how I will always think of him. Even though he is entering fifth grade, his last year of elementary school, he'll always be my littlest infant who cried his way through the first three months of life.

Funny, because now, he is a Mr. Laid Back, Easy Going, Friend-to-Everyone, kinda guy. Guess he got his protesting out of his system at the expense of mama's sleep and sanity ten years ago.

from his scrapbook...6lbs 9oz

I have been thinking about how much I've looked at my thirteen year old, and not given a ton of thought to the transition of my second oldest. It's easy to focus on the oldest one...he embarks on new territory for us as parents every day. And it's easy to focus on the youngest two...they still need a lot of our time and attention. But my ten year old gets the "oh, your brother has done this," or "you'll be fine, we know it's easy," or "this is nothing we haven't been through before."

But for him? It's still new, it's still the first time. I have got to remember this. It is his last year of elementary school...and he will take his first steps toward that milestone tomorrow. And that's special. Just as special as it was for my oldest.

I am starting to regret the moments past where I just wanted sleep instead of staring in his baby blues. Because now, life is busy, and he is mobile, and he is social. And time speeds by, and those beautiful eyes become a blur most days.

Mama might just cry, thinking how big he is, and how much he's grown in character. But really, I'll always see him as that 6 lb 9 oz bundle.

Mom-of-a-Teen Woes: Mama Drama Monday

Mama Drama Monday: July 6, 2015

One day I'll miss...this??

Mama Drama Monday

I have thrown many fits over this Mama Drama experience. I don't like to sleep...but kids make me tired!

(BTW....Check out my post at The Writer's Alley today...it's inspired by my mama journey AND my writing one!)

Mama Drama Monday

Ever done this? When you're parked, of course!

Be sure to stop by The Writer's Alley today...I have a post up about Facebook partying!

Happy Monday!

Mama Drama Monday

Trying out an idea. I just love playing with clipart...so I decided to make my own called, "Mama Drama". Feel free to share!

Does this ever happen to you?