Who am I, that I should..?

Moses asked this very question, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the
sons of Israel out of Egypt?"

He asked it to the Maker of the Universe. How inadequate he must have felt to do such a task. And while his task seems greater than any that I might ever be asked...I understand his sense of inadequacy.

I understand it from the side of my daughter's bed at night, admiring her freckled nose, and watching her bright eyes gently closing, and grasping the potential of so much greatness that I can hardly catch my breath...and I am her mom. I am the one who will guide her, model the woman she might become.  Who am I, that I should be trusted to be that person in her life?

I understand it when I sit in the living room and my high schooler excitedly rambles on and on about his fitness routine, his aspirations for the next season of ball, his hopes and dreams and...sometimes his own insecurities. Who am I, to pour goodness and encouragement in such a motivated creature as my son?

I understand it when my youngest son begins to share his opinions on great big world things, and his intelligence casts shadows over mine, and his passion for change is the same as mine once was as a young adult...and he's eleven. Who am I, to have the words to give room for his opinions, to allow him to think uniquely, to not impose my own point-of-view that would shape a bias in his life?

And I especially understand it when my child is sick, and I lose patience with the whining, and I give him all the comforts in my limited knowledge, then walk away from his misery, saying "this is all we can do" and I don't affirm him when I should, nor take him seriously...until it's serious. Who am I, to be trusted with nurturing and caring for these little people?

I am so human, it's debilitating. I am so flawed, mistakes are inevitable. I am so selfish that sometimes my nose is usually the only point I see clearly.

I am so...

...exactly like the men and women who God used to carry out His plan. I am nothing, and He is everything. In spite of that, He chose me for purposes that I consider treasures above any thing or desire. I am a mother, and a writer. I am a wife, and a friend.

Who am I? I am called. And I can only live out my calling trusting that it really is up to Him why I should.

Bible Journaling: Faith-Filled Friday

I am learning about God's gifts every day. Realizing the difference between 'gift' and 'calling'. I understand that every child of God has one calling...to live a life as Christ did, to help the poor and bring Life and Love here. I learned that a few years ago (click here to read a post about it) as I strived in what I thought was my calling--writing--and realized it's just a tool God has given me for the true calling.

When I used to get calling and gifts confused, I would wonder why my love for drawing and rendering (the official landscape architecture term for, coloring), faded and kinda sits in my past like a used, un-needed gift.
Often, I consider that path a mistake...even though I have drawings upon drawings from my childhood, my teenage years, and my college years, sitting in the basement--maybe not the most talented drawings, but reflections of a passionate heart pouring on the page.

But now, I think about gifts, and their purpose, and how it's not always because we have this higher, mountain-moving purpose to use them...or even have this extraordinary ability in our gift. A gift is just that...a present from God that brings us purpose--Whether to move outward into the world for the sake of the calling, or to move upward in our relationship with God. Either way, it's about Love. Him loving His creation. And the created finding a gift that brings us to love even more.

I love to color...I love to draw...and now, even though it's really for my own meditation on God's Word, not some grand scheme of changing the world, I have started using it in my quiet time. It's only been a couple of days, but I am amazed at the preciousness of the gift to create art. My heart is flooded with wonder at the communion this Word picture meditation provides.

I may not be creating works of art by the world's standards, but I am creating, none-the-less. And it is a gift to find God amidst a color and a picture and a quiet time to reflect.

Have a Faith-Filled Friday.