My Nemesis Facelift

Okay, so the whining sign is just as much for me as anyone else in the fam. This sign appropriately adorns my laundry room. My biggest nemesis in mommyhood is LAUNDRY! So today, in order to take a positive step towards winning the battle of mind over matter, I decided to give my laundry room/mud room a facelift, or at least make it feel like an actual room in the house instead of a leftover closet filled with stinky shoes and dirty clothes. Thank God for Hobby Lobby having 50% wall decor today! The only thing that it did stir up in me is to conquer another dreaded task, painting. I think it would be really nice to have some crimson on the walls, don't you? We'll see...I am a dreamer, and sometimes find that the projects in my head don't actually come to fruition!

This is the view from the kitchen door...If you have seen my laundry room before...you will know this is a decent improvement...The dryer used to be an extra "shelf" of miscellaneous stuff...and the top of the cabinets had boxes, cleaners, and random junk on top.

This is the view from the garage door (the door to the kitchen is just next to the scissors). That little orange tub holds all my cleaners now, since I have started trying to eliminate how much product I use.

So How's It Going? Give me Summer!

I was frantically driving my second grader to school, hoping that his teacher would not count him tardy for the eighth time....geez, my kids are sleepy heads and have to be DRAGGED out of bed each morning...and as I drove, jamming to some uplifting music, I did a bit of soul searching, trying to figure out what I would say if someone asked "how's it going?" I am glad to say, it's going well, but, because my novel has been on my mind lately, I couldn't get one of the lines out of my head (and I hope this doesn't seem narcissistic to quote my own book, but because some of it is so true to who I am, it best describes the language of my heart, and I find my heart revisits these different postures often!), 
"Life rushed forward at full force and Gwyneth wanted to pull some sort of emergency brake on life for a moment."
The above quote has been rattling in my brain this whole school year, and I know it will be a theme in the years to come!
At one point, the only day of the week we didn't have an extra-curricular activity scheduled was Monday night...and that was Cody's and my date night, so we really didn't spend it as a family. Can I remind you that I only have one kid in school??? I can't imagine what the high school years are going to look like when all three boys are playing something! 
I long for the lazy days of summer, and an end to the craziness of pursuing the culture's parenting style of "keep your kids busy,busy,busy." Honestly, Cody and I thought we were doing a great job by only allowing the boys to be in one thing at a time, but with three boys, that's three commitments a week, and usually at least one of those commitments takes up two nights!
Okay, so I will stop ranting on that, and take a chunk of the blame because, as I have become a thirty-something staying home with the minds of children all day, I have also craved grown-up socializing! So, we have committed, not only the boys, but ourselves as well, and although it has been fun, something's gotta give! I am going to skip an event tonight, which is hard for me because it involves mexican food!! :) Ah, the sacrifices we make! Just kidding!
My oldest affirmed my desire to slow down, when he saw the beautiful sunshine and wished it was Saturday. I hope I remember these times of wanting to slow down when we are in the midst of summer-- I hope I am not wishing for school to start because my kids are bored and driving me bonkers! I hope that I remember another quote from my novel.
Oh that I feel this over the days of summer and may the "fellowship" be with my KIDS:

"The love, attention, and petrified minutes swathed her in a dreamy retreat. Sometimes it consumed her so much, Gwyneth wondered how she could ever leave this place and return to a life of responsibility and effort. The conversation was long and pleasant...in the place of frozen time nothing urged the conversation forward. It was a gradual babbling brook caressing the subtle stones with loving passion for fellowship."

A happier glimpse of motherhood

Okay, so I wanted to also give a pleasant picture of motherhood...this is earlier on in the novel...

"Softly petting the newborn’s fuzzy brown hair, Gwyn thought it must be the softest touch in the world--a newborn’s head. Her daughter drifted off and her suckles became less and less. The tiny infant was sleeping soundly and securely. Suddenly life had a purpose, bigger than Gwyneth could ever imagine. Her heart begged her to weep and laugh at the same time. To know that she was given this child to nurture and guide for years ahead, was certainly overwhelming. But to see the beauty of life in the tiny face, the soft breath, the petite fingers gripping her own, and the glow of innocence, all wrapped up in this baby in her arms, was almost too much to draw breath. Gwyneth didn’t want to move in fear of losing this gratitude and wonderment for this gift which the Creator entrusted to her and Will.

Tears spilled down her face. Seldom can she recall times in her life where she cried for joy and not sadness. There were times where her tears of joy were also mixed with fear or relief-- but not this time. This time she cried purely for joy, with no other emotion to taint it. God taught Gwyneth the meaning of joy that day. And there were no words to describe it. She prayed that she would always remember this feeling- joy. And she thanked God for revealing it to her through her precious daughter. What a beautiful day. The sunshine poured in. What a beautiful life. She praised God. "

An excerpt from my novel

Well, I have been quietly nudged to do this, and after reading a friend's blog, I was inspired to share a part of my fiction novel that may give some a glimpse into the guilt that so quickly adheres itself to motherhood. Please know, my novel is a work-in-progress and I actually would love any constructive criticism if you feel led to do so! To set the scene, the protagonist is frustrated with herself for the times she gets annoyed with her toddler for toddlerish things; times when she grows weary of the late night wakings, the pushing aside of quality time for selfish reasons....

"The wallowing in guilt devoured her until she could no longer peacefully rest her head at night. Often, she threw back the covers and sat in a dark living room trying to erase the disappointing episodes from the past day, by flipping through a magazine or baking a batch of midnight cookies...anything to distract her from a downward spiraling guilt trip.

Too seldom did Gwyn get on her knees and ask the good Lord for strength and forgiveness. Too seldom did she realize that the next day was new, and little James would love her just the same or more, with a sweet refreshed smile in the morning light.

How could something so precious as this gift of motherhood, bring me such turmoil? Why am I consumed with worry and regret? She was flabbergasted with herself. It was so easy to forgot the joy and sink into the stagnant waters of monotony. She sensed the fall of Eve crawling into her tumultuous mind, creating the expectation that there was something better. Even though her heart’s desire was fulfilled in her role as a mother, her mind deceived her into thinking she was missing out on something more the world had to offer.

Some days she felt like she screamed inside her head from dawn until her little boy’s head laid gently on his pillow that night. Her peace was drowned out by the constant struggle of not knowing exactly who she was, besides a long list of chores. God was far away in this season. She didn’t have the energy to go to Him because the challenge to survive crushed any faith she had that the Almighty could possibly come to her aide. Her soul cried out in loneliness at those times.

Gwyneth felt broken to the core after a temper tantrum from James, or a pile of laundry that never lessened. Those days were dark. The trivial, unimportant tasks, built up chains around her strength. Tears were frequent and the throbbing ball in her throat was more and more difficult to push away. She knew her life was important in theory. She was raising a boy to be a man. Did God really know what He was doing-- entrusting this enormous task to her? The doubt grew more with every breath she breathed in this role. She hoped her son would benefit fully from her best, and be unaffected by her worst. "

Dressy Date Night!

Cody and I had the chance to dress up for our church's volunteer appreciation dinner. We have had so many dates this past year, you'd think we would be sick of each other. But it has been such a revitalization of our love and friendship! It's going to be a tricky summer since our sitter will be gone, but hopefully we will find a way to keep up our date nights, even if it's only once a month!