A mother's sadness

I am sad for my son. Cody and I have always told the boys to include others when they are outside in the neighborhood.  My seven year old is intentionally being left out by others that he considers "good" friends at home and at school. I don't know if he has completely caught on, but I do know that he has been sadder lately, and hangs out inside the house even when the weather is beautiful. After spilling my tears to Cody, I don't feel any better, just frustrated that he is a thinker and doesn't let me know what's going on in his head. Beth Moore once quoted a mother who said, "You are only as happy as your saddest child." Happiness is fleeting fast. Please pray for our situation. I know it sounds petty, but it's a matter of good friendships or my son's self-esteem.

Date night to Golden Girls to Friendships Springing!

Tonight is date night...it might be our last one for a while since our babysitter is leaving town for the summer. I always look forward to Monday nights. No matter how icky MonDAY is, Monday night is always fun. The problem with date night though, is we are always rushing around to get out of the door. Cody usually comes home right before the sitter gets here and I am frantically getting ready. But if I coach myself, I can get past my frustration with his tardiness, and we can have a pretty good time.

Right now, dinner is ready, the boys are playing at the neighbors, and I am watching Golden Girls...my fave! I know, I am an old woman at heart (and attitude sometimes!) I think I enjoy the show so much, because I enjoy friendships so much. About 6 months ago, I felt really lonely. I mean, I had friends and neighbors, but I didn't feel like I was completely myself in my new life. It was all my fault. I was not making the effort, not opening up, and trying to be who I thought people wanted me to be, and not just being me!
But now, I have all these wonderful friendships- with most of the same friends, same neighbors, and some really awesome new friends! They remind me of my little seeds that I planted a couple of weeks ago, and now they are thriving little plants! It's so refreshing to have friends!
So tonight, I am going out with my best friend, and Thursday I am going out with a lot of my new girlfriends. Spring and Life are simultaneously blooming all around me!

An ugly mommy hiccup

I realized something last night, and I hope to God that I will nip it in the bud before it continues. The past couple of times I have socialized with a friend when the kids were included, I have been "that" mom who shoos her children away and tells them to go entertain themselves...the playdates were more for my socializing than for my children's entertainment...in my mind. Ugh! The shame of looking back and my 7 year old wanting to talk to me and I tell him, "Not now, you're interrupting grown ups...go play." But I had picked him up from school and taken him STRAIGHT to the park...hadn't seen him all day, and now I was giving him the impression that I didn't want to hang out with him! The guilt of a mom!
I was once told that if you consistently give your kids the signal that their thoughts, ideas, conversations are always pushed aside, then one day the will stop telling you, and look to their peers for a "safe place". And I told myself I would not do that, I would be the ear they could depend on, the "safe place" and that I would start when they are young, so they have no longing to go elsewhere for acceptance. So I write this, to make myself accountable to the virtual realm, and to my heart, whenever I look back and re-read my ugly hiccup as a mom.

The Sunshine Award

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This is so sweet of my new friend from Momblogs (her blog is mommymumbojumbo.blogspot.com) , to nominate me for a Sunshine award! She has been encouraging of my blog and novel writing, and she inspired me to take the time and get creative with the boys! 

The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world.

Of course, awards come with rules…

1. Put the logo on your blog and/or within your post.
2. Pass the award on to twelve bloggers.
3. Link to the nominees within your post.
4. Let them know they received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and the link to the person from whom you received this award 

So I pass this award on to (I am new to blogging, so these are my friends near and dear...not 12 yet):

karneifamily.blogspot.com This is my good friend who, although we are different in many ways, seems to always write things that resonate with my own life! She has become a great sister in Christ and I love talking with her about anything and everything!

mindysmusings-mindryn.blogspot.com We moved last year after 5 1/2 years from our last town, and after I moved, we both realized over facebook that we were aspiring authors! It has been a great journey encouraging each other in writing, and I am in awe of her ability to write and inspire her blog readers with great insight into life.

bonkersfortwins.blogspot.com This is one of the funniest people I have met! She is super creative and her blog is a great read!

ourpeanutdiary.blogspot.com My sweet friend is such a great photographer, and fun person to talk too. Her blog was one of the first blogs I really read. She's a wonderful Christian mommy!

thebrannonbunch.blogspot.com My bestest friend and her family's journey towards their third baby! Although she doesn't post much, her blog is always fun to read cuz her kids are a hoot...and so precious!

lfhcreative.blogspot.com Another great photographer! She does such fun stuff with photography...and I love her use of color!

wethreesmiths.blogspot.com  Aboy mom, like me, who has an amusing writing style and a really eye-catching blog as well as great photos!

whatjoeydidtoday.blogspot.com If you want a great list of weekly meal plans, this mama has them each week!

Lacombeslagniappe.blogspot.com A friend who is one of the best scrapbookers I know! She posts some fun ideas on her blog.

A Work in Me

"There is nobody in our lives that is a bigger obstacle to our calling than ourselves. We can protect ourselves right out of our callings." - Beth Moore, Esther Session 4.

I am amazed at the work that has been done in me during my study of Esther with Beth Moore. I am in awe of its timeliness in my life (as usual when I take one of her studies). As Beth would say, "I can't wait to show you this"...what God has mightily done in me that needs to be shared!
Through many of my previous postings, I have shared my "a-ha" moments from this study...(look at Mommy Destiny, Patience Found, Hearts at Home..) The subtitle of this study was, "It's Tough Being a Woman". And although I did discover certain things about myself as a woman, I mostly found redemption for "It's tough being a mother."
Glance up at the quote at the beginning...this is something that twisted inside me, emerged in a refreshed affirmation of my love of motherhood at the Hearts at Home conference, and caused a complete 180 leap right before my eyes, when not only me, but Cody as well, were convicted about a life changing decision.
Some of you may think I am talking about adoption. And at first, I really thought that's what God was saying when things started to line up. But oddly enough, God was filling me with a longing that was deeper than my desire to adopt. I somehow knew, that even though I thought we were ready to proceed, the longing to adopt wasn't mature enough to endure the wait and emotional energy to survive it. No, our timing to adopt is not yet. The lesson in our study on Patience helped uncover that truth now that I look back on it.
But God did grow a deep desire in me, these past few months, something that was a complete "reversal of destiny" (another Beth Moore-ism) of what I used to long for- Over last year, I was so settled on focusing on me, and who I was, my longing for my "babies" to grow up so I could move forward was an irritating tension in my heart. Through the emotional and spiritual growth that so often blossoms from a Beth Moore study, I began to long for a baby again. Actually, not just a baby, a pregnancy. Most of you know how much I disliked being pregnant ALL THREE TIMES, so this was definitely a complete reversal of Angie's preferences!
I shed away the fear of other's opinions about, "four is too much", or "what if it's not a girl", or "you have your hands full already". I shed away the insecurity that I couldn't handle it, and that our three boys would maybe suffer from sharing our attention with one more sibling. Honestly, I saw my calling loud and clear, to grow our family, whether it be another rambunctious boy, or an unfamiliar little girl...and solidifying the decision, Cody felt the nudge as strong as anything also.
So, I am one step closer to fulfilling this new family make-up. After the long process of extinguishing uncertainty and insecurity, God has blessed us with another pregnancy!
I look back on this past winter and spring, and jump for joy (and relief- I really didn't like how hollow my focus on "me" felt!)- I jump for joy that I didn't miss the jolt of heart searching introspectiveness from my study to set me on a firm foundation and give me the strength to grasp intentional parenting of not only three children, but a fourth as well. And although I am grateful to my study's effectiveness, I truly know that it was all God speaking to me because I finally sat down and listened.
Please pray for us, since we are really early in the pregnancy! I am taking it easy, and trying to continue life with three boys as normal as possible! :)