A Word on Summer

I am sitting on my couch, still in my p.j.s at 10:30 am. I can hear the clock tick and the dog whine and the morning dove cooing. Peace is pulsing.

But, my stomach churns and my head aches.

Peace is about me, but I am not a vessel of the stuff. I am a tangled mess.

WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING WHEN I SAID 'I JUST WISH IT WERE SUMMER'?????

The last day of school is creeping toward me like a great destroyer of my fragile balance beam that holds me up as a decent mother. And it's not going to snap because of my inability to maintain a household full of children. No, it's not about that. That's not the threat. I can do it. I tell myself I can, anyway. I mean, four kids over fourteen years? I've had practice.

If it's about ability to be home with my children, I am sure any homeschool mom would shoo me away as unworthy.

No, it has nothing to do with my ability to live each second with the little gems.

I love 'em. Honestly, I do. I love 'em more than myself...which might be a problem...perhaps.

But, they've peeled back the cute, joy-filled layers and handsome smiles, and shown me their uglies. And the uglies bring out my uglies. And that's just between the few hours after school.

WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO DAY IN AND DAY OUT?

I want control. I want kindness. I want order. I want a maid.

 I want perfectly content, self-entertaining, cordial, happy, non-complaining children. I'll get a maid before that'll ever happen. And you know what? The only way I can come to grips with it is by reminding myself...

IT'S NORMAL.

Please tell me it's so! Please remind me that this is all part of the growing, refining, messiness of motherhood and children-becoming-decent-human-beings process. This long, drawn out science experiment of ripping away routine and school for a hot season of suntan lotion and sticky popsicle sticks is necessary, right?

Thing is, as we go about our summerly business, sometimes with teeth clenched and hair in fists, my kids just always appear to be extraordinary "somethin'" when I play the comparison game. Luckily, I haven't met the woman who has the number and ages of kids that I do, and tells me her children are perfectly content, self-entertaining, cordial, happy, and non-complaining...

Have you?

Well, good for her. While she sips her tea and eats her bonbons, smiling and daunting over her joyful pets, I'll schedule my next girls' night and leave my own rascals to fend for themselves for an hour or two. And when I get home, I'll love them just as big as I can, even though, there are times, they just don't seem to deserve it.

That's what'll keep me sane.

Loving them in the chaos...even if they don't deserve it.

Yeah, "I want" has never satisfied. So I just need to lean back, play an oldie but goodie, reminding myself, "I will survive".

Happy Summer! There will be sweet moments, but let's face it, the days are going to be long.

Mom's Simple Summer Eats

Sometimes, I just like to cook easy...and not frozen or leftovers...good, whole, simple food. This is always a family win: salmon with garden fresh herbs, watermelon, and local sweet corn. Takes about 20 mins to put together! What's for dinner at your house?

I HEART Summer

So far, this is what summer has been around here:

• Slipping away to edit when I can find a sitter or a playdate. It might just be an hour...or an afternoon...but it makes me a better mom to get that time of creativity and working with the hope of something great on the horizon.

• Waking up too late, and going to bed too late, and playing musical beds with my four year old who decided she has given up sleeping through the night--AGAIN.

• Taking the kids for their one too many ice cream rounds, way too close to dinner time to have the chance to prepare it, let alone want to eat it. So cereal has been the Summer Special on the Dicken Menu.

• Hanging out on the couch. Yep. I have allowed laziness to take residence with us this summer. And it feels good...even when I see newsfeeds of lots and lots of "to-do's" getting checked off, I still welcome it. Sometimes, in the laziness I find the special moments of just "being".

• My crazy, over-the-top, over-emotional, highly energetic, highly expressive, LOUD children slinking around the house tattling, singing, whining, shouting, and laughing. Yep. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly are all right at home with us!

• And then, there are a few things I am mulling over as we enter new seasons in life, motherhood, and even in writing. I hope to share these with you every Wednesday.

So, far, that's been summer...and right now, we are partying over on FB to kick off this blog and summer fun! Head over to my Author page if you'd like to join in and I'll add you to the invite list, or comment below if you already are partying with us...because summer around HERE means friends, fun, and prizes! 

I HEART Summer!

Happy Blog Kick Off Day!