Mr. & Mrs. Clique: High School Drama All Grown Up

I have felt the sting of cliques as young as 2nd grade. And I know I have contributed to stinging an innocent bystander (or wanna-be-included gal), plenty of times.

But I never thought the drama of cliques would graduate into adulthood alive and well and…shall we say, stinging?

Yep. I have felt the sting as a thirty-something. And I just gotta get it out…

UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I have seen it as a transplant who didn’t place their roots in a town early enough and had to squeeze into well-established groups of old friends, tight-knit mom’s groups, church families (squirm).

AND…I have clung to a welcoming clique, turning my stinger on eager friendship outside the circle, causing hurt and heartache.

We’re all adults, we shouldn’t let it get to us right???

But, just cuz we're all grown up, doesn't mean that cliquing hurts any less.

The thing is, we all want to belong, and when we have a husband and children involved, it can sometimes feel like the shunning extends beyond ourselves, and to our loved ones.

That’s when it really bugs me. 

Even if it’s unintentional, even if it’s “normal”, clique-ing is an inevitable force to be reckoned with…or to stand against and try and strengthen your heart for the blast.

Lately, I have felt it most even though we have finally stayed put in one place for longer than a couple years. And while I will be the first to admit that I have a group of close friends, I will also be the first to say that I am the eager parent sitting on the sidelines, wanting to connect with those in my community.

And sometimes, I do.

And sometimes, I feel like a fly on the wall of a social extravaganza. 

It’s easy to shrug off most days, but when I start noticing a trend of it affecting my kids’ chance to be part of something…I feel panic bloom in my chest and I brainstorm a million reasons why I am not “cool” and how I can get “cool” before high school sports begin!

ACK!

Today, as I was driving home from my son's football practice, I was shuffling through my brain to reason myself out of the "what if me not always fitting in affects his not fitting in..." And, a truth swarmed my mind and rested in my heart.

God's got it. He knows our coming and our going, and He places people in our lives, friends in our paths, opportunities in our reach, for a reason.

If we find ourselves within the group, outside the group, or on the fringe, He is still there with us--shaping us and loving us.

Everything can be used for our good and His glory. So why the heck am I fretting so much about silly things like being known and knowing my kids will be given the chance to belong, too?

I am confessing this to the great blog world out there. And hoping that this little post keeps me accountable to myself. Even as I type this, I want to slap an ad on Facebook, “If you see me clique-ing, please slap me up the head”… Or, “Wanna be friends? I don’t care where you belong.”

"High School” me is awakened, and I’ve sooooo grown past that. If I could just ignore the growing pains.

**Disclaimer: To my dear sweet friends--This post is written with no one person in mind, but based on a social occurrence that I have noticed since post-college life...which has been many many years of data. HA! I think most of you who are in my every day life, know exactly where I am coming from, but for those who don't, really this is an "in-general" observation and not a hint or a nudge or a slap...I am as guilty as much as anyone!**

(Pre)Mean Girls: Cliques in Pre-K

The cutest thing I've ever seen...well, one of the cutest things, anyway... is the social extravaganza when I drop my daughter off at preschool. All the little girls run up and give big hugs to the latest student arriving...some of them, anyway.

How would you like to be the girl that is greeted by four or five others with arms opened wide and hearing your name squealed by tiny voices all around?

And how would you like to be the little girl, standing beside her daddy who nobody even gave a second glance to?

This is the seed of drama being planted by preschoolers, before the mean-girl scenarios truly bloom.

And my daughter is in the middle of it.

I didn't notice it really, until today. I mean they have been in school for two months now...and this has been the common greeting method, for SOME of the girls in the over-abundant, girl-dominating class. Maybe it's obvious to me now because I am dealing with middle school drama with my oldest, or maybe it's because I am constantly feeling torn between being an extrovert and chatting away, and reverting to my introvert tendencies to be an "observer".

Regardless, today it struck me as almost disturbing. My little girl was part of the "haves", and the others were the "have nots". Haves being those who "have" the "in" with the girls in the class, and those who "have not" so impressed themselves as acceptable friends.

Hate to be a gossip, but I even saw one girl go up to a "have not" and declare she could not play with them...RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CHILD'S MOM. UGH.

So, I summoned my daughter over as we waited for her teacher to arrive, and whispered, "You should greet all the girls in your class. Be kind to everyone."

And when I pointed to one who missed the welcoming party, my little girl suddenly became shy and whiney and then ran up to the "haves".

Double ugh!

All I can do is keep reminding her. Keep telling her that kindness is one of the most important things. And explain exactly what kindness is...and that it isn't on special reserve for certain people.

Cliques start early don't they? They are part of human nature, I suppose. But that's no excuse for ignoring the chances to cross those invisible lines. And like I wrote about adult cliques in a post geared toward adulthood it still remains true:  

"Even if it’s unintentional, even if it’s “normal”, clique-ing is an inevitable force to be reckoned with…or to stand against and try and strengthen your heart for the blast."

Gotta start early in making those hearts good and strong.

Mr. & Mrs. Clique: H.S. Drama All Grown Up

I have felt the sting of cliques as young as 2nd grade. And I know I have contributed to stinging an innocent bystander (or wanna-be-included gal), plenty of times.

But I never thought the drama of cliques would graduate into adulthood alive and well and…shall we say, stinging?

Yep. I have felt the sting as a thirty-something. And I just gotta get it out…

UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I have seen it as a transplant who didn’t place their roots in a town early enough and had to squeeze into well-established groups of old friends, tight-knit mom’s groups, church families (squirm).

AND…I have clung to a welcoming clique, turning my stinger on eager friendship outside the circle, causing hurt and heartache.

We’re all adults, we shouldn’t let it get to us right???

But, just cuz we're all grown up, doesn't mean that cliquing hurts any less.

The thing is, we all want to belong, and when we have a husband and children involved, it can sometimes feel like the shunning extends beyond ourselves, and to our loved ones.

That’s when it really bugs me. 

Even if it’s unintentional, even if it’s “normal”, clique-ing is an inevitable force to be reckoned with…or to stand against and try and strengthen your heart for the blast.

Lately, I have felt it most even though we have finally stayed put in one place for longer than a couple years. And while I will be the first to admit that I have a group of close friends, I will also be the first to say that I am the eager parent sitting on the sidelines, wanting to connect with those in my community.

And sometimes, I do.

And sometimes, I feel like a fly on the wall of a social extravaganza. 

It’s easy to shrug off most days, but when I start noticing a trend of it affecting my kids’ chance to be part of something…I feel panic bloom in my chest and I brainstorm a million reasons why I am not “cool” and how I can get “cool” before high school sports begin!

ACK!

Today, as I was driving home from my son's football practice, I was shuffling through my brain to reason myself out of the "what if me not always fitting in affects his not fitting in..." And, a truth swarmed my mind and rested in my heart.

God's got it. He knows our coming and our going, and He places people in our lives, friends in our paths, opportunities in our reach, for a reason.

If we find ourselves within the group, outside the group, or on the fringe, He is still there with us--shaping us and loving us.

Everything can be used for our good and His glory. So why the heck am I fretting so much about silly things like being known and knowing my kids will be given the chance to belong, too?

I am confessing this to the great blog world out there. And hoping that this little post keeps me accountable to myself. Even as I type this, I want to slap an ad on Facebook, “If you see me clique-ing, please slap me up the head”… Or, “Wanna be friends? I don’t care where you belong.”

"High School” me is awakened, and I’ve sooooo grown past that. If I could just ignore the growing pains.

**Disclaimer: To my dear sweet friends--This post is written with no one person in mind, but based on a social occurrence that I have noticed since post-college life...which has been many many years of data. HA! I think most of you who are in my every day life, know exactly where I am coming from, but for those who don't, really this is an "in-general" observation and not a hint or a nudge or a slap...I am as guilty as much as anyone!**