Deconstructed Family Fun...wink, wink!

Yesterday, I planned a special surprise for my hubby...the reason I couldn't post my TGIF “family” fun idea. If you recall my post, My Little Dieties, you might get an idea what could've sparked this “family” fun tip. Well, like my grandfather suggested long ago (as stated in the post I mentioned above), it was about time we got a babysitter, as we do pretty often, but this time it wouldn't be for just a few hours.

Our TGIF was possible with the help of a very good friend and neighbor--whose two boys are best friends with mine, and her tween daughter is one of my daughter's favorite people...and her teenager rocks with caring for the dogs! Yes, this brave neighbor of mine doubled the kids in her house by adding my four! The kids' TGIF included entertainment and a sleepover...family fun...er...with another family.;) Hey, we all need close friends nearby to pour into our kids too, right? :)

Dinner in a basket

In the meantime, I picked my hubby up from his office at 6 sharp. We had “dinner” reservations after all.

Well...we had reservations (thanks to a gift certificate we won at a fundraiser). And I packed dinner with us. As well as an overnight bag.

A room with a view!

We didn't travel far, but we did pull into the downtown Marriott for a surprise retreat. All the fun we plan for the family most weekends call for a time to rejuvenate and hang out with my best friend sans children. I love my kids, but this winter has proven that even the most loving house can lose its luster with four kids, two dogs, snow piled up outside, and laundry piled up inside.

Perfect picnic

A get-away with a picnic dinner, swimming, and movie-watching in a cozy hotel room with just my husband, and a fun night of lazer tag, nail painting, pizza dinner with great friends for the kids, was the perfect thing for our family!

Every once in a while, we need to go our separate ways. The couple needs to re-connect without distraction or time restraints. And the kids need to leave the parents and know they are cared for beyond the walls of our house.

Breakfast for two was included!

And then, as we all come together again, we have a fresh focus for the family, and can embrace the fact that distance really does make the heart grow fonder!

This is me refreshed!

Do you ever plan spontaneous get-aways in the midst of this busy season? Who do you usually leave your kiddos with to have quality time with your spouse?

My Little Deities

This is what my weekend looked like:

Friday: Valentine's date with my hubby. As it neared 6:30, we both questioned whether we should forfeit the rest of the time to rush home and take our son to his baseball practice. Hmmmm....but we chose not to.

Saturday: I woke up at 6:00am to get ready and take my nine year old to a swim meet. I gathered up his swim items and hopped in the car with a friend to travel the 40 minutes to the meet.

My husband gathered up the rest of the kids, all the snow gear he could muster, piled them in the car, and picked us up from the swim meet, 40 minutes away, at 11 am. We then headed to a nearby ski hill, and spent the day from about noon-7:30 pm, giving our boys a very successful first experience with skiing. In the meantime, I took my two year old daughter to the movies, and gave her popcorn and a fun princess show.

Sunday: We took the kids to church. First service, I helped in Children's church with other moms and my husband. Second service, we sat in the front row with the kids' friends, tried to maintain behavior during worship, shuffled them to their classes, came home, made lunch for the kids and a friend, took one kid to baseball practice, played dolls with my daughter...and got ready for the week.

So, are you wondering what the point of this post is?

Let me give you a hint. Our church sermon this Sunday was about Family-focus.

I agree with the Christian cultural idea that the family unit is very important...that two parents pouring into the life of a child is great. That family time is key to a stable environment. I mean, look at our weekend! How much did we pour into these kids of ours? Yes, I definitely play by "the rules" of the culture to pour into my children. And I LOVE it.

But.

Wait.

Who is the center of my universe and who do my kids think the center of my universe is?

Something very important that was said in the sermon this Sunday, was that parents must remember their spouse is first priority OVER the kids.

And it made me realize, how little my husband and I focus on our relationship in relation to our relationship with our kids. Even on our valentine's date we wavered on wondering if baseball practice should trump it! We try and be good, loving parents as much as we can--trying to model the loving Father in Heaven for our children--but can we truly give room for God when our kids are over-saturated with us catering to them?
Do we so meet their every need and desire, that we become a giant idol genie god (see my last post), who give no reason for them to really seek the True God on their own? In this western culture, where inconvenience and want are lacking, how do our children understand the importance of patience, necessity, and Godly provision?

Not only does my overcompensation to provide everything for my children run the risk of me becoming an unhealthy idol to my kids, but I equip my children to think of themselves as their own little mini-world...or sun...where everything revolves around them and their pleasure. They become mini-gods, thinking that if life isn't about them, then something is dreadfully wrong...boring...unfair.

UGH!

No wonder I struggle with the constant mommy guilt when I want to do something for myself...it goes against the will of the little deities running around demanding snack when they want it, entertainment when they want it, attention according to their standard.

So you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking I am being over-dramatic. And I might be--to make a point. Balance is key...and as far as time and focus go, I believe the scales really need to tip a bit.

The kids drain me to the point of irritation and misery at times, and I have nothing left to give my husband...or my God. And it's not the kids' fault, but my own...for buying into the kid-centered, family-overfocus theology. Yes, folks, I am going to go as far as saying that our Christian culture response to the anti-family culture, has over-compensated a bit.

Look at history...did the parents really devote every hour to their children? Did children demand the attention of their parents for entertainment, their every whim?  And yet, did great scholars, inventors, pastors, entrepreneurs, come out of past generations? And most importantly, has God filled in the gaps along the way?

My grandfather was a super wise man. He is one of my heroes. A piece of advice he gave me as a young parent, stung a bit at first, but now I realize the wisdom in it... "Get a babysitter."

Children are a gift from the Lord, but they are not to be a distraction. Parents are responsible for their care, but we aren't to devote every second of their life with entertainment and comfort.

My children mean the world to me...for sure. I love them SOOOOO much. But I am not going to make them my sun, and I am going to stop trying so hard to be theirs.

Family Spontaneity--Even On A School Night

When I pulled up in the driveway after a school event on Monday night, I'll admit I was a little annoyed that my kids and husband were sitting on the bed of his truck dangerously close to bedtime routine.

But they looked so cozy, with the outdoor heater warming their dangling toes, and their eyes bright with starlight and excitement. They had piled into the truck's bed, procrastinating the responsibility of a school night, all in hopes of seeing a supposed meteor shower that my son learned would occur that night.

It was hard, at first, to not complain. But I couldn't be "that mom" who spoils the fun, especially when the fun spurred from a science lesson at school.

With pillows and blankets, we crammed like sardines (pardon the cliche, but it fits perfectly), and looked up at the glorious pin-prickings above.

There was a moment of pure joy, knowing my family was close, cuddling in that truck bed, none of us wanting to be anywhere else but together side-by-side...
Or rather, arm atop arm, hip crushed in a thigh, elbow in a rib...yeah, the joy-filled moment was fleeting as whining erupted like the expected shower of stars (which we never did see).

Regardless, that small decision of spontaneity will remain a delicate memory for my children, my husband, and me. If I had raised my voice and spoke my irritation immediately, how crushing that moment would have become...how aggravating for my kids...how defining of the typical party-pooper mom that I can be.

Setting aside my agenda to revel in a moment is hardly a natural tendency, but it is one of grace that leads to blessing if I let it. That brings me to my suggested family activity for this TGIF post:

Be spontaneous when least expected!

Feel the rush of abandon alongside your kids as they witness their parents breaking the "rules", every once in a while, in the name of FAMILY FUN!

TGIF! Family FUN night!

Every Friday I am going to try and post an idea or a fun family activity to do with your own family. Hopefully, some of you will also give your own ideas to the discussion each time, so us mamas can treasure them away for the next "what-to-do" day.

This school year, we began to wonder if our time as a family would die in the face of after-school activities. We worried that we would lose the precious time left to really enjoy each other as a family. Besides redefining sports practices and games  as "family outings", we have also established "Family Night".

Each week (almost), we look at the calendar and choose one night where there is no conflict, or there is a chunk of time to be intentional. Family night is sacred...we don't give into optional activities and forget about family night. This week, our family night happens to fall on the weekend...TONIGHT to be exact! It's my six year old's turn to choose our activity (we rotate through), so upon his request, we are going to have an

OBSTACLE COURSE CHALLENGE! 

All we need is:

A basement
Old couch and pillows
Chairs, table to climb under or on
various "obstacles"
a stop watch
a camera
and a family!

I expect our house will be loud and wild this evening!

So, what fun family activities are you doing this weekend? What ideas have you heard about or want to try? Let's spur each mama on to bring FUN to their family time!

Also, let me know if you want to be entered in the drawing for October!