Figuring it out...one day at a time.

I know. It's been a while. And I've been REALLY inconsistent these past 7 months (at least). Well, I have a sweet distraction:

7 mos yesterday

And as of two weeks ago, I have been in survival mode...surviving a house of boxes, a transition to new schools, new commutes, new neighborhood...it has been...exhausting. Right now, I am sitting in my living room, and have no box in my sight...bare walls, yes...but no boxes! YEAH (If you go into the basement or garage, that's a different story). There are a million things I wish I had done before the move, and a million things that need to be done.

Our first Sunday at "home"

We've had a smooth transition for the most part...as far as emotions go. The boys loved their school from day one (Oct. 4th). We've had two days of my oldest fighting the tears when the differences are obvious between his two schools. His complaints:

• "The worse dessert at my old school is better than the best dessert at my new school"

• "They don't throw candy at pep rallies here, and their music is really loud"

• "I knew all the Kinder thru 6th grade at my old school, now I only know the 4th graders (He's in 4th)."

Yes, they are not worthy of considering different schools...but to a nine year old, they are world-ending. It hurts my heart when his eyes well up and he longs for his old school. I remember those feelings so well, I was a military brat, and went through the same thing several times.
Of course, I can comfort him with words, but it will just take time. We've started a new tradition after his first breakdown...Dairy Queen on Mondays for an after school treat. And the DQ here stays open through the winter unlike the one we're used to!

And, the boys have really had some positive changes too...

• My 1st grader has a regular friend he hangs out with

• My 4th grader joined band! He is so proud of his trumpet...and partly chose that instrument so he could carry the cool black case (which he said "Do you think people will think I'm carrying an old fashioned suitcase?")

Celebrated his 5th birthday yesterday!

• My preschooler, who said at least every hour "I don't want to move" for the first several days, is happy in his small town preschool.

And as for me and Daddy:

• The small town we're in has an awesome community center with great youth programs and an indoor batting cage 

• We have found a small church and met some neighbors there

• Mama's found a mom's group...and has girl's night and playdate on the calendar!

Although I loved my old neighborhood and house, I can see life here in a happy light. My old friends will be visiting next month, which also helps!

One of these days I'll blog regularly again. :) 

Bold Up at ACFW!

I am on the other side of my second ACFW conference, and as I had prayed on the first day, I am completely humbled. God's hand works in mighty ways and He was OBVIOUSLY present in St. Louis...not just in my triumphs, but in my trials--molding and shaping--His blessings poured onto the friends around me, and His glory was spoken, sung, and shown. What an amazing thing to be around so many professionals in this tricky business of publishing, and have a common thread of Christ throughout the 700 people in attendance!
I was personally blessed with connecting to precious friends who I have spent this past year getting to know on blogs, loops, and through crit groups.

It's funny how my prayers were answered when it came to interest in my manuscripts, but how I tossed aside the excitement and wrestled with severe self-doubt almost instantaneously. I had this impending doom that I was fooling myself and others into thinking I could write, and now I had to prove it by sending in my stuff. It was at these moments of dread, that I found support in my friends and realized God has placed some amazing women in my life.
My fellow Alley Cats surrounded me with prayer, my crit partner encouraged me and even talked to other agents and publishers about my work (she is amazing), and my parents (who flew to St. Louis just to watch my baby in a small hotel room...thank you!) kept giving me pep talks.
My cup overflows with the people God has given me!

As I left the conference, I had one of the Alley Cats, Mary Vee, look at me and say,
"You need to bold up."
Amen, Mary. I will never forget that...and hopefully, in a conference or two, I will be a bold, new author with confidence and a contract! :)
Now, I have work ahead of me. I have never felt so driven. It is all because of the prayers that were said that I feel like it might be possible to tweak my book and proposal to a new level...and I am dedicated to doing my best...because that's all I can do!

My First Goodbye

I've lived here for 2 1/2 years...wait...2 1/2 wonderfully blessed, full, fun years! And when I first found out we were moving, I didn't think it would be too big of a deal. Yes, we have had a great time, but we knew it wasn't forever, and we are only moving a couple of hours away.
So I've been upbeat, busy bee (not my style at all!), and focusing on the kids for this transition of schools, neighborhoods, familiarity.

But when it came to say the first goodbye, my heart trembled and I wept. How could this be? How could I let this move get to me when I had prepared myself not to get too attached in the first place?
But I was saying goodbye to the women who welcomed me first, who allowed me to take the reigns of their ministry as coordinator, and shape it and mold it without really knowing me-- PLC MOPS, or now known as Cafe Mom-- is now a closed chapter in my life, a first goodbye that made me realize I am not as ready for this as I thought.

A Dream Unfading

Sometimes a dream kind of fades away and you know that it is no longer attainable, or worthy of your time. Every once in a while, I think that way about writing. Yesterday, I got my first rejection in my pursuit for an agent...actually, my first rejection for this particular book. And even though I was a little sad and freaked out at the possibility I may never find a place for this novel, I was still able to see the forward movement in my growth as a writer by processing all the agent said to me (she was very kind to respond to my query thoroughly). I have already gained much from this rejection, and don't see the dream fading, but pulsating with clarity in its persistence to reach that next level. One door may have closed momentarily, but God is swinging the greater door to and fro, coaxing me forward to see what is in store next. My dream is just around the corner, alive and well, and I am gathering up the armor to fight for it and make it reality.

Old Shoes and Broken Toys

His toddler shoes next to his big boy shoes.

Isn't it weird how material items can bring forth such deep emotional stirring? As I filter through the stuffed closets and the overflowing dresser drawers in preparation to sell the house, I come across old memories in the form of tiny shoes and broken toys. And they're not specific memories, but memories of a little toddler whom I loved with all my heart, the little boy who blessed me first as a mother. And then to think that was just the beginning, and these material items which I sadly let go of eight years later, were part of each of my sons' lives, adding color to the faint visuals that creep forth into my mind.

His fourth birthday

His ninth birthda

Cherish, I must. Cherish each inch that keeps them below my chin, because soon, I will be looking up into their maturing faces wondering where the time has gone. Yet, I already do this-- wonder where the time has gone-- and I am still looking down, nurturing and rearing.

Thank you, Lord, for the constant reminders in old shoes and broken toys. For reminding me that these moments are precious, and my hearts will one day walk away to the great wide world. One day, I'll "de-clutter" a lifetime of giggles, bruised knees, wrestling matches, snuggle wuggles, and I pray that my heart can handle the flood.

As I type this, my nine year old complains to me that he has no socks left...and I quickly respond, "go get some of mine, they fit."...they grow so fast!