When The Blog Doesn't Match The Blogger

Do you ever scroll through mom blogs or writer blogs or craft blogs or whatever-is-your-passion blogs and think, "wow, I SOOOOO don't have it together like THEY do." It occurred to me the other day that, while bloggers (including myself) can type up a scenario or emotional outpour in a neat  three paragraph post with a pretty little nugget of wisdom to top it off, then display it for all of Blogger to see, it really is just a glimpse into a life that has just as many insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, and struggles as everyone else.

I am convicted when my daily-life flaws don't line up with my inspiring blog posts. But the truth is that this imperfect, striving-at-times, uncertain-at-times mama who really, REALLY L-O-V-E-S her kids, her husband, and especially her God, blogs not because I hope to be a shiny little inspirational idol for my readers, but because writing and sharing give me a nudge to continue trying, to process my thoughts, and set me on a course toward something better...

I am a work-in-progress.

Not perfected yet. I can discover truth through my circumstances, blog about it, find God's inspiration amidst the thoughts which flow into typed words. And with all my heart, I have every intention to try harder. To step away from the virtual enlightenment and make it my new reality. Yet, I am flawed. I will admit, I might type a blog post one minute, and the next minute I catch myself in the same miserable cycle that I vowed to break in that particular blog post.

I am a work-in progress, for sure.

And in her book, Unglued, Lysa Terkeurst uses that exact phrase, "a work-in-progress", to describe herself. If you ever feel run down by your emotions, ashamed, over-ruled, Lysa's insight will help walk you through it and break away from it, without striving for an unattainable perfection. Lysa gives a bunch personal examples which have to do with motherhood, and seeing that she is an AMAZING Proverbs 31 Woman who admits her own shortcomings, brings me to one sure thing:

This life isn't about US being perfect, but CHRIST'S perfection nudging us toward something better on this journey.

I'm shedding the old and embracing the new...even if the old takes a while to lose its static cling. That new is ahead, waiting, just like God promises. And while I'm still a few steps away from the new, He's right beside me with grace to catch me when I stumble, and His perfection to inspire me to keep on walking...and blogging.

CBA One Sheet Design Service

I am so excited to announce that I will be spending the next couple of weeks setting up my very own side biz as a one sheet designer for all those CBA authors out there! It's something I've thought about for a couple of years now, and I am finally taking the plunge! Check out my post over at the Alley to understand more about what I am going to offer!

Letting Go of My Baby

One day my little toddler, with his superman cape and Nemo fruit snacks, became an almost eleven year old, hitting line drives and anxiously awaiting his first day of middle school.

Now, we have a little over a week to go and he'll be trekking off to camp, for a whole week, with no "how was your day" or "goodnight" from Mom or Dad. Just the thought of it makes me want to weep in my pillow where I should be sleeping at this late hour.

I almost can NOT bear the thought, and you probably think I am crazy, over-protective Mama. And maybe I am. And I don't care. I want to have a sit-in at his bedroom door and stay there until he's sixtee...no, eighteen, when the law says I have to let him go.

Five nights away. Boo. I know.... it's going to be a blast...after all, he's going with his best friend, and he'll be getting some good ol' Bible teaching. And I pray for peace, and God's protection over him...but I just keep fretting, and imagining, and thinking....

And that's when I came upon this verse in James 1:

⁶ But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, ⁸ being a ^[double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Aaaargh!!! If I feel anything...it's UNSTABLE. My insides quiver at having to let go. I just don't wanna.

One day of scrolling through the news will make any mama want to strap her children to her back, no matter how grown they are. We just want to protect.

But there's Someone who can do it so much better.

Right?

Yes, I know. And I certainly would rather not be considered like "the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind". 

So while I type this with a lump in my throat the size of my dear home-state of Texas, I will begin to trust, to have faith, that while my little boy is not so little anymore, my God is just as big as He's always been...and He loves my son in a BIG way, even when he's not close to home.

Ignoring Dishes and Loving the Precious Few

May has been a CRAZY month. With school ending, baseball eating away at our schedules, life happening, and my intensive self-study wrapping up, I am very much looking forward to my beach vacation in a few weeks, with just my husband and my kindle to keep me company!
As I contemplate our summer ahead, I realize how little time I have to enjoy those lazy summer days of summers past. My boys are growing up, taking part in other activities, finding independence during the day to play with friends instead of looking to me for entertainment.
Precious, little time left.
But the minutes become mundane and I drag my feet to revel in the treasure of time each day. The chance to snuggle on the couch and read a story, or to play a game or take a walk. After a busy month of pouring myself out over and over again, I am handicapped in my reality to do anything but fret about what's to be done.
Stagnant, I guess.
And yet, well aware of the instantaneous change that could occur, where I CHOOSE to embrace those precious few moments to what I WANT to do as a loving mother, instead of what I HAVE to do as choremaster and schedule maintainer.
Funny, I just picked up the book, Unglued by Lisa Terkeurst, and she talks about our emotions, and how to use your emotions to experience life, not destroy it. I haven't read very far, but if I just apply that concept to my use of time...a time to experience life, and not miss out on it for things that don't even matter in the long run, then I can make those few moments, great ones!

So I am shutting the computer off now. Going to hold my babies and ignore the dishes. Hope you have a chance to do the same!

When God Ushers In Friendship

I can't stop smiling.

This past weekend was a great big dose of Joy. My writer friends joined me at my house for a writer's retreat...but it was so much more...and they are so much more than just "writer friends".

They are the deepest meaning of friendship, of sisters in Christ.

When you can stay up until 3:30 in the morning talking everything from silliness, hopes,

devastations, dreams, politics, fictional characters, and nail polish, with a roomful of women...WOMEN....and say goodnight and hit the pillow WITHOUT thinking, "did I say something to offend someone"..."what are they thinking about me"..."am I too much"... and just rest assured that within that group you are loved--no matter what--THAT is special.

Rarely do I find unconditional love outside of my family. And to think I see these girls once a year, and mostly in the environment of competitive selling of our manuscripts, how could we clique so well? How could all of our emails back and forth really establish a closeness like that?

I am most confident in saying, it's ALL GOD! Of all the differences in our group, of all the varying opinions, struggles, and writing styles, we have our friendship deeply rooted in the love of Christ, and this weekend I realized how ALIVE and REAL my God is.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to tell someone how God has worked in my life...I mean, I know he does, and so many times I see His hand...but my memory is fleeting, and I teeter when I am asked about specifics.

But this weekend was a great big unveiling of God's roadmap in my life, and through many conversations that happened, and God-ordained occurrences (wink, wink to all my Alleycats), my breath is stolen from my lungs as I humbly recognize He's got me in a very special place alongside these women.

I am blessed.

I'll just admit that in the most humble, pointing-to-God, inspiring, exciting, treasured way.

 And it's safe to say that I am sharing that blessing with nine amazing writers for Christ! Check out our blog at thewritersalleys.blogspot.com