It's hard to breathe when you refuse air.
And it's hard to breathe when you witness someone refusing to inhale.
Especially someone so very close to you. Someone who breathed their first breath in your presence.
Once you become a mother, your breath nearly always seems to depend on that of your child. If they aren't breathing--living to the full--then you are struggling for air.
These past weeks have taken my breath away. Not in a romantic, dreamy way. But in a crippling way as I see my children struggle to breathe in the only hope I find to be true. It has a lot to do with why I chose my word for the year, Redeem.
We need it around here.
So. Yesterday at church, the pastor preached on the new sermon series to kick off the new year. And it's centered on Acts 3:19:
"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord..."
Living with an atheist has had me shirk away from the idea of sin. Sin is a big BAD no-no in a
Godless view. We're all good, humanity is good (after all, we are here by such an amazingly small chance), sin is ridiculous and the idea of it is detrimental to the future of humanity. If there was such thing as sin, then you are against humanity, against nature, against your very being.
There may be something unknown in that word--by those so opposed to it. And it's the very essence of our relationship with our Creator. It's the very essence of our need for redemption. It's the fact that we, in all our humanness, breathed...in all our free will, were given breath...and WE have missed the mark in our effort to breathe apart from the Maker.
It's no wonder sin is powerful, because it stops our breathing in, and then we struggle for air in the darkness.
Sorry for the sermon, but I am really processing this for myself. Because, in order to have any air around here, I think I have tried to compromise with truth for the sake of my marriage. And I've allowed lies to warp my heart.
Not that my husband has any say in this, but, because I am a peace maker by default, I try to find the middle ground...and I went a little past the middle.
The fact that sin is part of us, is actually a reason to rejoice in living...again. To remember that there is a second chance out there, and that we've been given it regardless of which sin, and because we have sinned. Sin has given us a journey to understand our significance through the eyes of a Savior. Not that I love sin for that, but I love the plan that God can use ANYTHING to show us HIS EVERYTHING. Nothing is wasted. Not even our brokenness.
It starts with me. I can only change myself, or at least, it's up to me to surrender to Christ and refresh in His presence. I can't push my children, or my husband to "repent"...to "believe"...to "breathe again". That's God's job. I can only blot out my own transgressions and breathe again, welcoming the presence of the Lord...
And hopefully that presence will grow strong in my house, and there will be a gasping for air again.