Thursday, December 6, 2012

A Jostled Heart

On the way home from school yesterday, my oldest said something in a way that flung me back nine years when he was a toddlin' one year old. I don't know what it was, but his tone and garbled way grabbed my attention and I glanced over at him with reminiscent eyes. And I saw him...I saw the little one year old with pudgy cheeks and bright brown eyes wide, ready to soak in the great big world with the curious tilt of his eyebrows, and with the love-capturing stare that jolted joy through my heart as a first time mother. My apethetic mother's spirit suddenly remembered the precious gift I've been given.
I think on a time when hiding under the covers and pretending to camp with a flashlight was time well spent. When sitting infront of a high chair and feeding sweet potatoes and avocados to a hungry babe was my most important "to do" that day.
Now, I bark orders in the morning for my son to fix his breakfast, brush his teeth, get his shoes across that great big street (that would have been cause for a heart attack years ago) and get on the bus without Mama's hand, without Mama's protection. And I send him to school for more hours than I had ever been apart from him as a baby, and I send him to bed quickly at night, because my tasks are great and my time is always lacking.
Baby boy is growing fast, and time will only speed along, slipping through my fingers until I grasp the edges of his diploma and I stare at him with pride, ready to send my toddlin' baby into a world that became worth living in at his birth long ago.

Lord, Give me the readiness and stillness to treasure each moment, to not allow distraction to eat through my chances at sweet memories while there is time left to love to the fullest.

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