This past week has been such a blessing...I have enjoyed mothering a newborn to the fullest. But I am the kind of person that can always find the negative in the positive...it seems my mind can't be completely satisfied or happy...and sneaking in the back of my mind these past few days, was doubt in another passion of mine-- writing.
I was talking to my MIL just yesterday, about how I felt insecure about it, and wasn't sure if I am really following the right path...Perhaps I feel guilty that I haven't focused on it right now, or maybe, since it is so easy to step away from, I fear my investment in it wasn't really as much as I thought...and if that's the case, then maybe I am not to follow that path?
Honestly though, I know I pushed all that passion to the side to give some room to this precious, short time in my life when I have three young sons and a brand new daughter. Soaking in the chaos, sweetness, and fullness has been my number one priority. And, I know that's okay.
After a full day of honing into the mothering instinct-- my four year old got tubes in his ears and his adenoids out, causing a long day at the surgery center and a lot of nurturing on my part because of his difficulty with the anesthesia wearing off-- I came home to a message saying I am a semi-finalist in a writing contest- a contest I have focused on for months, one that has been a priority of mine since the ACFW conference last year.
Didn't even see that coming with all the life going on around me. It took me by elated surprise, and erased a little more of my insecurity. I had entered this contest last year with my first novel, and didn't place, but gained so much advice from the judges comments that I became more aware of what the writing world expects and accepts. I ended up starting completely from scratch with that novel, finishing it, and then moving on to my current work-in-progress.
I know that I am still in the beginning stages in this contest, but it gives me hope...hope in a passion that I stumbled upon, hope that I am truly on a path God ordained.
Lately, a constant theme in my life has been: God always steps up...Even when I am not ready, not looking, or more so, turning my back completely from his view...He is faithful to me, in good times and bad, and I only hope that I can return the favor to Him.