Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Dreamer to Believer?

I always hesitate to say that I can see God's hand in things...not because I don't believe he is alive and active in all I do, just because I know that I won't be so quick to see it when things aren't going so well. It's something I struggle with on a daily basis. I can see the first part of His work towards a grander plan, and then imagine great and amazing things happening-- great and amazing things fabricated in my own mind. I know that God's plan is far greater than I could ever imagine, and that I probably won't necessarily see it from this side of heaven. I will give you two examples, one good and one not so good.

1.  The stars seemed to align just right at my one day at the conference this weekend. I got great feedback and even an opened door...I was quick to be in awe of God's mighty hand in what I wanted all along- to get my book noticed. But what if that was it? What if the whole experience was to come out with some confidence that I didn't have before? What if it was just a learning time, and not a step on the mighty road of publishing? Am I okay with that? Hm.

2. I am sick as a dog. I know it's for a great reason- the growing baby inside of me- but still...I'm sick, sick, sick. My attitude stinks, my motivation to get normal household chores done is nil, and most days I want to sleep until this baby is ready to be born. Yes, God's plan in the end is awesome, because I will have a fourth child, but what about now? What in the world am I suppose to be learning right now, in the trial?
I am too sick and annoyed to find the good in this time.

I have started a new Bible study, FORGOTTEN GOD by Francis Chan. The first day already proved to be an amazing beginning to a wonderful ride. It's all about the Spirit. How much do I forget that I have the Spirit inside of me, the same Spirit who rose Christ from the dead? How easily I get caught up in the world around me, the blessings and curses, and not the divine power that has made me a new creation! Hopefully at the end of this study, I will handle things a little better, I will not be as much of a dreamer, but a believer...and I will not be as much of a complainer, but a true, day-in-and-day-out worshipper.

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