It's that flip-flop in my stomach the day before school starts and my child is entering a whole new building, when it was just yesterday that we slept in and had whole semesters of holding hands, singing songs, and scheduling playdates.
It's that twist in my throat and the burn in my eyes when I look back through a baby book and then across the room at my now thirteen year old baby.
It's that hollow surprise when a coveted memory-filled place no longer exists and I struggle with how to capture my memories made there, not realizing until that moment of loss that I didn't hold them precious at the time of making them.
But those memories become threatened treasures now.
It's an unwelcomed venture when my marriage snags, my child hurts, my life is disrupted from a steady, comfortable pace.
Nope. I am not so crazy about change.
Something triggered my emotions on this pesky word, change, lately. Perhaps it's because the school year is dangerously close to an end, and change is rising on the horizon. Or perhaps, it's realizing that I've neglected the moments that are slowly slipping into memories--because we are making sooo many memories, and are reckless with preserving them. Some are fading to a distant thought, a possible dream, a wonder of time.
Not to say that I don't try and live in the moment. Actually, sometimes the moment is a safe haven for another scary word out there, the Future. And we're at the beginning again, where the future is a scary frontier. Yet, I plan for it, I fret over it, and I focus so much on the "around the corner" that the change happens with my back turned on the here and now.
Perhaps, that's why I am not so crazy about change. It happens when I am distracted.
Christ's words dig deeper into my heart and they plant themselves in a whole new way.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. - Matthew 6:34
Maybe this is not just for the faithful to grow trust in the Creator and Provider of the universe, but maybe Christ is cultivating our hearts to live in the moment. Because the moments will flee soon enough. And this life is meant to be abundant, and full, and bursting with love. How can I appreciate that, if I am just dipping my toe in the only day I've got?