Have you ever been uncomfortable in your comfort?
I am the type of person that if I don't have something to worry about, then I start worrying about that. I think it's the little old Greek lady in me.:)
What's around the corner? What have I done wrong that gives me this false sense of peace?
Why do I always suspect that when I feel peace, it's false?
Perhaps it is the turmoil of the world around me shouting that peace is unattainable. Perhaps it is a long road behind me that was stormy and disconcerting. To feel peace in the storm...or even as it passes, that is something to worry about, right?
I don't want to be numb to the hardship. I don't want to fool myself in thinking that I am A-okay, and be blindsided by more pain, grief, brokenness. That is why I worry. That is why I can't truly revel in the peace for long.
But. I am reminded that I have handled a lot. And even though it hurt, and even though it was unpleasant..excruciating is more like it...I am here, alive, and struggling with what to do with...what?...PEACE!
Wow. Why am I a glutton for turmoil? My heart might need some re-training. Because I should be on top of the world right now, not down in the dumps. My glass appears half-full, but my eyes are glazed by some demented mirage that it's half-empty.
Please, if you see me, shake me and remind me of the blessings. Remind me of LIFE. And of the PEACE that has been gifted to me beneath the clouds of an unfinished journey.
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