Today I took a peek behind the curtain. I didn't mean to. It's almost as if a word or thought or look pushed me back and I stumbled and fell into the big drape I had used to cover up all that was good, holy, and life-giving in my past.
It seems that I've crowded my head and my heart with the stuff of this earth, the temporary delights of the here and now, and I didn't realize how much I missed. I didn't realize I had open wounds that festered with sorrow. I had wrapped a bandage so tight on the loss and hurt, that I had become numb and forgotten it was there.
But I remember.
I remember in the songs.
I remember in the words of a seeking friend who hungers for the wisdom that I once openly strived to soak in...and now I am mocked to think of it as wisdom at all.
I remember the joy and freedom of worshipping my God with other believers--without doubt, without lies.
And now, I remember who I am and where I am and it's nowhere I had ever thought I would be.
I am lost. Lost in a mess. I need my God. I need to turn back and find Him again. Because I am truly not myself without Him. And I have not given Him a glimpse lately. I have pulled the curtain shut so tight that I am stuck in the dark.
Lord, give me Your light again.