Doubting Tom Ramblings

Is it worth it? Really, I don't know. I have connected with other writers over the past two years and have LEARNED a ton. My writing has definitely grown, hey, I actually volunteer the fact that I write to people (Before, it was my little secret).
But...I wonder, is it worth it? I am not moving forward with my goal of finding that agent that believes in me...not signing some sure-thing publishing contract. I am one of the thousands of writers investing their time in a process that doesn't promise to provide a "Yes".
Hmmm. The many, many, many hours I spend writing, the time I take to educate myself on the craft, could those be used for something better? Could I have missed out on more time with my family because of those? Could I have saved my money I used on business cards, one sheets, hotels, conferences, and invested it in home improvements or family vacation?
Is it really a calling or is it an obsession?
Do I feel like my writing could make a difference to someone one day, or do I want to write to make a difference in boring old me?

These are things I ponder ALL the time.

I absolutely LOVE writing. I LOVE the book I am writing...more than any other book I've written. I feel like I am finally finding my groove in voice and story development.

So why do I want to bang my head on the big, looming wall that is still standing firm in my way? Doubt seems unmoving right now. I tell myself, this is the last book, this is the last conference. Don't put your hope in these things, they're just temporal.

But I don't want to quit. I won't.

YES! This is just temporal. But heck, I'd love for this temporary time to be well-spent! Thank goodness for my writing friends. They push me along more than they know. Wish I could see the bigger picture, see the plan that I think I am suppose to be following.

Do you ever have doubt in something that seems so good yet doesn't work out how you expect? What dreams are dangling ahead of you, and what keeps you going no matter how long it takes?