Today I was reminded how much I need God' Grace. My life long friend, Guilt, got its grip on me and broke my heart again. I stepped away from a ministry opportunity because life was too hectic. And once it was finalized and known, Guilt grabbed me and shook me and threw me beneath God's feet, reminding me I am not worthy of the title, "Christ Follower".
I am not good enough.
But as I cried a little, and prayed a little, I realized something...
I am never good enough.
That is why God's plan is not one of works alone. Even when I am doing something great for Him, I still fall short because of my flesh. So through my prayer, I wasn't affirmed in my decision to leave ministry like I thought I needed to be to rid this Guilt. I was reminded that my God is Greater, Bigger and absolutely Amazing in His Grace towards me.
Guilt is not from Him.
Guilt is the Grace-bearer's biggest enemy.
My heart will remain open if God's Will pushes me to saying "yes" to that opportunity again, but for now, I will wait guilt-free, and a little more humbled.
My pastor's wife helped me with this. For 20 years (as a pastor's wife) she was so busy doing church stuff, she didn't read the Bible on her own...ever. So, after a year of migraines that God used to bring her to Him, she decided she couldn't do the "stuff" she had to do what was most important. She quite absolutely everything. Yeah, it was odd that the pastor's wife did nothing and said no to everything, but she was accountable to God and until she knew that she could do the stuff AND still be able to maintain her priorities, she said no to everything. Several years later she finally decided she could do two things.
ReplyDeleteBut if a pastor's wife has the guts to do nothing without kids around, and with a flexible job. Then I got even "better" excuses. I don't have to do anything. Sure, people have pressured me (even suggested I can sing again in the praise team and sneak out in the middle of the song to nurse if needed--talk about too much!!)but I'm confidently saying no now. I'll choose what I can handle. It's between me and God.