Ten Days Ago

It's been nice that the weather has changed this week. I can't believe just last Friday I found out I was going to miscarry. It seems like a month ago. Funny how things like the weather, busyness of school for the boys, and maintaining the house as usual can dilute the fact that just 10 days ago I was pregnant.
Tonight, it took me by surprise how my emotions could swell at hearing the word "ultrasound" or watching a commercial with babies in it. The first reminds me of the devestation of last Friday morning and the latter reminds me of the assumption of where my life would have been just months from now. It's funny how earlier this year I was learning how to manage patience, because I will need it now these next few months.
My sweet five year old said today, "Mom, I really wanted that baby. I want a sister." I told him that one day we will have another baby (of course I didn't promise a sister). How sweet that he feels the disappointment that I do. He sees it with child eyes though. My body is still healing from this whole thing, so my eyes are a little more tainted.
Right now, I know I am not ready to think about trying for another baby. I am so scared to repeat this lowest of low weeks in my life. My husband has reminded me of the assurance and faith we both have that another baby is in God's plan, and that I just need some time to heal.
When he said this yesterday, I was thinking physically. But sitting here tonight, I realize that there is more of the healing process left emotionally as well.