Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Struggle of a SAHM

Today I realized how quickly I shutdown when the boys are testing me. My headstrong three year old does not understand the meaning of "quiet" time, or "stay in your room until it's time to come out". I had an overwhelming urge to give in to his whining and disobedience and sit him down in front of a movie so I could have some peace. Instead of looking forward to spending some time reading books with him, or playing a game (which I had committed to do in my head this morning), his disobedience distracted me, and kicked my hunger for "me-time aka computer time" into gear and I let myself spiral into give up mode. Fortunately, I did stick to it, and he didn't completely get away with his misbehavior.
It's been really difficult for me to not give in to my laziness these days. I hate to think that I will always struggle with spending time with the boys and having time to myself, but I am pretty sure it will always be a constant tension in my life. I am a dreamer. I am a thinker. I am someone who can be talked too, but not really "there"...Yeah, you could say a ditz, but I promise there is so much more going on in my head than air! So even when the boys are supposedly entertained, Mommy is in her trance of thought and always needs two or three "M-o-o-m?"s to snap out of it. Ahh, this time of night I can wallow in that guilt of my shortcomings as a stay-at-home mom so easily!

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