The dreaded MRI was last night. I really didn't know what to expect, but as everyone kept asking "are you claustrophobic?" I began to answer, "I could be." Being a slight hypochondriac, it's very easy to talk myself into phobias and symptoms of dreaded diseases. Really, I shouldn't read so much. Anyway, the MRI wasn't that bad. I was barely halfway in the tube, and could see the room if I shifted my eyes down a bit. The tech also gave me earphones and piped in my favorite Christian station, 101.9. The worse part was having to have my arm with the injured wrist directly above my head. My shoulder was killing me after the 25 minutes was over, and if I didn't know any better, I would have believed it may needed to be scanned too!
I did leave that enclosure slightly enlightened though. As I said before, this past weekend's conference answered many prayers and convicted my heart for new directions...but this led me to a focus on God as my "magic 8 ball", giving him demands and anxiously waiting for him to work his magic. While I was lying in the MRI machine, the songs that played were all praise songs-- songs that were about HIM and His glory, not mine. What?? The songs didn't want to give me a word? They only focused on the God of the Universe? What's that about?? And as the song that came on that has been playing in my head these past months, "You Never Let Go", I realized that it is about Him and His all saving Grace. I could rush forward and say I am doing things because He "told" me, but it doesn't affect God's Sovereignty or Plan if I don't get to them in my timing. He will always be with me through the calms and through the storms, and I need to find my peace in just that, not in the outcome that I so frantically plow towards with anxiety.