Reflecting In the Calm

It's been a time of reflection for me. I guess because we made our bi-annual trek down south to visit our families, and many memories are stirred up with the rising temps.

Some of those memories are just as searing as the blazing sun. Some are as sweet as the iced tea of my husband's youth. It's kind of strange to visit my past peeps...past stomping grounds...past past...when so much has happened in the two year storm away from the Texas border.

No matter how much I hated the force and heart-damage of the bouts behind me, I still grew. God still shaped me and gave me each new morning regardless of the downpour. And in such a storm, the growing is big.

I can't help but think of Paul's words:

For everyone who partakes only of milk 

is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, 

for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, 

who because of practice have their senses trained 

to discern good and evil. Hebrews 5:13-14

It's hard to consider that before this trial (you can read about it in many of my posts these past months) that I was only surviving on spiritual milk and not the meat of maturity. Perhaps, I am over-exaggerating. Maybe I was on toddler food.;) I mean, seriously, I was a ministry leader, a Bible-studier of almost two decades, and a very devout practicing Christian for many years.

But, the storm came. After the pain I rest here in the calm, realizing how little I had made God back then and how big He is now.

Could I really be craving meat? And has it been twenty years of milk in this journey? Am I finally comprehending God? Hardly. Actually, He is more of a mystery than ever....and I have so much more respect for that.

I am finally discerning not only good and evil in a deeper way, but I am discerning God in a different way. I am understanding the distance between men and God, and it's so vast, but yet, through the Son, so close.

I heard something the other day that really struck me. Christ came as the Son of Man AND the Son of God. He is truly the union for the Bride (Humanity) and the Bridegroom (God). Scripture is amazingly intricate in symbolism and design. Christ is our common ground with God. He is our bridge. Before, I thought that thinking God was a mystery was unacceptable in my Christian circles. But maybe to think He ISN'T mysterious is child-like--like I needed God to be an easily-explained  storybook character?

Perhaps, it really is good to see God as a mystery and unfathomable. Because it grows my need for Christ even more. It's only through Christ that I can view God as a mystery but still feel Him near to me in an intimate way.

It's an amazing, unfathomable, intimate plan only fulfilled through Christ and His gift of the Spirit. It is life-changing to know that. And it blows me away that I am just now figuring it out.

This past southern trek, I saw old pictures of me and met with old friends. I can't pin it, but I felt different. I am different. And I think it has everything to do with my recent storm.

And THAT is an unfathomable change only God could pull off. Because if it were up to me two years ago, I would have been just fine with milk a little longer.

But now, I want meat.