Thursday, August 25, 2011

From a lump of sand

I was once a sloppy, thrown-together stay-at-home mom, trying to gracefully get through my first summer with four children. With school starting, and a midday phone call last Thursday, I have transformed into something else. Call me the slightly high-strung, drooping just a little from lack of sleep, home-stager, realtor interviewer, house-cleaning fool anxiously awaitng the future "For Sale" sign in my yard. Yes, folks, this family is moving, and life has gotten so much crazier!
So, this can't be my excuse for not blogging, but now it's my excuse for being completely brain dead when asked questions like, "Mom, can you help me with my homework?" and I answer "sure" as I leave the room to wash the windows...uh, yeah, he meant at that moment!
I am not a do-er. I don't "do" well. I can't have a million things to do and not figure out a way to procrastinate and find the tangent in that. I could say I don't like manual labor, or I have a smidgen left of that college student procrastinator in me (even though it's been eleven years...yikes!). Regardless, Mama has been frazzled.
Aside from getting the house ready for this really terrible market, I have been obsessed with finding the perfect house online. Yes, it's probably a big waste of time because you have to "be there" to really know if you like it...but now my realtor knows the 20 different houses I want to see by the click of my mouse!
Along this journey, I have realized something pretty valuable for myself. I focus on a prospective house and think "Yes, this is perfect, this what I want", and then my husband will point out a feature that doesn't work...Or, I'll think "this is the school we want the boys to go to", and then I find out they are full and my mind's image of that school fades away.
Even though I might get discouraged at that moment, I quickly turn my eyes to the next possibility and watch that last one shrivel away into nothing. My future life is being shaped like a sculptor shapes his sandcastle, shaving away the excess to define its shape and distinction.
As I keep Christ in the forefront of my mind with every decision and every disappointment, I know he is using this transforming time to remind me of his refining fire. My discouragement, impatience, selfishness are constantly being shaved away just like the dreams that aren't meant to be mine-- They are melted away by fire and shaping me for this giant step away from this home.
Isn't it amazing to see God's hand in our journeys?

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