Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.
Oh how I love God's Word when it touches my mother-heart, after all, He designed it, right? I remember when I was nursing, I couldn't hold my babies against me and cuddle them. They would inevitably smell the milk, and route around frantically, knowing sustenance, or just plain ol' comfort, was near. Their little mission would be single-minded, to satisfy the strong desire to suck and fill up their growing bellies.
But then, once they grew up, and I knew as their mother, it was time to wean--wrestling to gently take away the milk, but firmly persist through the night long battles and the stubborn child throwing his sippy cup across the room-- my heart wrenched at the end of such a precious season of providing everything for my baby.
It was only when the battle was over, the will of the child finally lined up with my own, that I reaped the joy of the weaned child's head resting peacefully upon my chest, with no natural instinct telling him to be close to his mother's bosom for food, but to rest in his mother's bosom for love and comfort. It is a wonderful perk as a woman, to know you are needed by an older baby, even if you have nothing but a dry, warm place to offer.
The Lord has reminded me today, as I read through the Psalms of Ascent (Ps. 120-134), of my journey with Him using such a personal analogy in the Psalm above.
I remember when I first hungered for the Word of God. It was an insatiable striving to gather knowledge, regardless of comprehension, without resting in Him. I was infantile in so many ways- spitting up the words in a foolish way, desperately returning to His Word without completely digesting what He was trying to tell me in the first place.
But soon, I caught myself understanding, I felt His hands guiding me towards a more mature relationship with Him, and I knew it was time for me to stop needing and grasping, but to just rest and listen. He has equipped me to go out and walk, explore, live life, but always, I can come back and rest in Him.
For my soul to rest against my Father's chest, like a weaned child, with no selfish intentions, just perfect contentment knowing I am loved and cared for, is such an honor as a child of God. Of course, I will always need His Word, and I will seek it, just as a child needs his food, but I will rest in knowing I have my strong tower, I have my mighty chest to lean upon even when I'm not hungry.