Sunday, May 2, 2010

An ugly mommy hiccup

I realized something last night, and I hope to God that I will nip it in the bud before it continues. The past couple of times I have socialized with a friend when the kids were included, I have been "that" mom who shoos her children away and tells them to go entertain themselves...the playdates were more for my socializing than for my children's my mind. Ugh! The shame of looking back and my 7 year old wanting to talk to me and I tell him, "Not now, you're interrupting grown ups...go play." But I had picked him up from school and taken him STRAIGHT to the park...hadn't seen him all day, and now I was giving him the impression that I didn't want to hang out with him! The guilt of a mom!
I was once told that if you consistently give your kids the signal that their thoughts, ideas, conversations are always pushed aside, then one day the will stop telling you, and look to their peers for a "safe place". And I told myself I would not do that, I would be the ear they could depend on, the "safe place" and that I would start when they are young, so they have no longing to go elsewhere for acceptance. So I write this, to make myself accountable to the virtual realm, and to my heart, whenever I look back and re-read my ugly hiccup as a mom.

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