It takes me by surprise when I realize how happy I am for the most part. There was a time, not too long ago, when I would hesitate to allow myself to fully embrace joy. Because I am so bent towards the passion of politics, the justice of the downtrodden, and the right to be heard, I would allow worldly influences to taint my simple joys of life. It was almost as if I was afraid to allow myself to be happy so if something terrible happened, I wouldn't be taken off guard!
Alot has happened to me, spiritually and maturity wise, that has helped shed this insecurity. First, I realized how much God loves me and how He truly is in control and mere humans/governments /laws/words can't stop Him. Secondly, I am surrounded by three little men who live life to the fullest every day, and are seeing the world with baby eyes. Even though they are slowly being exposed to the bad as well as the good, I get to enjoy the process and grow with them in an odd ironic way. And third of all, I am not as fearful as I used to be. If everything is going to end, or if the world is in a downward spiral, so be it, I am going to enjoy my time on Earth and look forward to a blissful eternity! Oh it makes me want to jump and raise my hands, but I am just not that kinda girl! God sees my heart though, and it is jumping for sure.
So, tonight, I told Cody how much I am looking forward to watching a chick flick with my cup of decaf and a good book in standby...I look forward to the simple routines of the week- watching my 5 year old excel in swimming, seeing my 7 year old beat his wpm on a typing tutorial, and figuring out a way to keep my 3 year old from busting his head as he performs his monkey tricks! All of it is joy-filled, wonderful simple life that is surrounded by chaos, but for now, peaceful. And I am not so delusional to think that trials aren't around the corner, look at my previous posts! But this SAHM needs to make note of her joy, and mark this moment on her path. It's easy to forget, it's easy to backslide. I will do my best to continue to allow joy in, and think upon lovely things.